Page 109 Dragon Contest: Awards Tally

[Dragon of Grondok]

This is the thread where I award you shitheads with your deserved trophies. Typically pink "failuers of page 109" trophies.

Stay tuned.

[Dragon of Grondok]

This is the tally for the Page 109 contest of the blathering thread #1: Open Site Blathering (formerly Advice from iridium ITT)

The challenge

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I am the Dragon of Grondok.

If you found the sword on page 87, you may now attempt to slay me for a ‘Hero of Page 109’ MTGC Gold trophy. You must type a 1,000 word non-spam post detailing a battle with the Dragon of Grondok before we reach page 110. It can be serious or funny. Or, you can use a (non-edited) post to roll a D20 and call out your number and if you guess correctly I will disappear until page 218 to earn yourself a ‘Coward of Page 109’ MTGC Bronze trophy. You may do this as many times as you want, once per post. Only one person can win.

nI will be posting spam attacks every 15 minutes to push the page to 110 so I can go back to my rest.

If you do not want the trophy and wish to launch verbal, physical or sexual assaults instead to troll the participants from winning, you may COME THE FUCK AT ME!

Checkbox submission

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I am the Dragon of Grondok.

If you found the sword on page 87, you may now attempt to slay me for a ‘Hero of Page 109’ MTGC Gold trophy. You must type a 1,000 word non-spam post detailing a battle with the Dragon of Grondok before we reach page 110. It can be serious or funny.

mrmaul558 approached the clearing with a
bit of hesitation.

Now was his chance. No longer would he have to try so goddamned hard. He could be an hero.

Or he could be a hero. Only time would tell.

The Dragon of Grondok had already awoken when he arrived. 'Twas a sight to behold; The Dragon was smaller than you'd expect - Yellow, very cute eyes and small wings. But mrmaul558 knew better... mrmaul558 understood the true power of the Dragon of Grondok.

mrmaul558 pulled out his sword and declared himself ready for battle. The Dragon expunged a mighty breath of fire, almost as if to say, "Come at me bro".

mrmaul558 looked around for spectators - Gutter Skulks were all around him. He knew that once this battle had reached its climax, songs would be sung about his triumph for pages and pages to come.

Charging forth, sword drawn, mrmaul558 tried as hard as he ever did. He ran and ran and ran... but the dragon was not drawing nearer. It seemed that the harder mrmaul558 tried to reach the dragon, the further away it became.


mrmaul558 was confused, and started Cursing the skies. "Why hath thou forsaken me, Nai?! I learned from the greatest, who were than cast aside like cheap furry TCG cards, and was told that I could make it!"

Suddenly, a wild kpaca appeared, and told mrmaul558 to man the fuck up.
Almost at the same time, a wild kijin appeared and told mrmaul558 to stfu, that he would never mentor mrmaul558 , and that he was cool with mrmaul558's hairbrush habits. He also told him that he was a terrible troll, and could never gain any sort of credit since he was such a dumbfuck.

mrmaul558 was momentarily taken aback; he had never had to face these inner demons before, but it wasn't long before he turned this fuel into fire. His power level soon reached over 9000, and moments later he RAN TOWARDS THE DRAGON AND CUT ITS FUCKING HEAD OFF WITH HIS DICK.

Gutter skulks everywhere were unimpressed, however, and mrmaul558 was confused. mrmaul558 had finally slain the dragon, and was finally granted
entrance to the gutter skulk's lair: The Troll Hub. 'Twas a mythical place filled with casual racism and other motley assortments of vile activities; all mrmaul558 wanted was a group of internet friends with whom he could discuss harkius's and buttbrushes and niggers and the like.

mrmaul558 then had an idea; what if he disguised himself, changed himself, to better fit in with the 2/2's for 1B?

He gathered all of the skulks together for a vote; he was going to change his name, and they were going to decide what it would be changed to.

There were many options put on the table, including xXdarthmaul42069Xx (which was an early favorite, but was quickly outclassed). Most, however, voted Checkbox.

And so it was. mrmaul558 was forevermore known as Checkbox.

"This will do it!", Checkbox thought. "There's no way they won't accept me now! We have an inside joke kind of!"

But alas, Checkbox was still a fish out of water. There was seemingly nothing
he could do; no matter how hard he tried, no matter what he did, he just couldn't fit his square peg into the round hole of the gutter.

Life continued this way for sometime, until the evil Mages atop the high tower of cuntery decided that the Gutter Skulks were causing too much trouble.

'Twas a dastardly event; gloves came off, Mages were cast aside (and turned into glorified mechanics with no actual way to do their jobs), and eventually the Gutter Skulks were forced to move their hive.

But not Checkbox; he had stayed out of the conflict for the most part, and was free to stay in the evil Mage's land of douche-faggery, or follow the flock of Gutter Skulks to their new home.

At first, he thought he'd try to split his time; like a child of divorced parents, he kept in contact with both, before realizing he had only one true love - the Community of Gutter Skulks.

They were his only internet friends, and he had been sort of like a retarded son to them for a while, and he
was determined to do anything he could to prove his worth.

This new Community was relatively quiet for a while; sure, the inevitable trolls made their way from the evil Mage's town every now and again, but, to their dismay, they were met with only kindness and welcoming (except for the scummiest of Gutter Skulks, who delighted in calling them morally corrupt and making them stay awake at night with his malicious activities), and eventually the Trolls realized there was nothing for them here (due to their own dirty grudges), and they left.

But then, the perfect opportunity arose; in the town hall, Checkbox heard rumors of a mythical beast in a far away place called "Page 109". He was determined to show his worth to the Gutter Skulks and slay this beast however he could; to try the hardest anyone ever did.

He went around, gathering as much information as he could about this beast's whereabouts; the sage of the town said "It is only a matter of time before the
dragon is upon us."

Checkbox was content biding his time, waiting, watching, Harkiusing (creaming up his own knees and letting children lick it off), hoping this would finally be what penetrates the Gutter's community for him.

Finally came the day - the Dragon had appeared. This Dragon was no ordinary Dragon, for it had consumed the trolliest of the trolls and had gained his power as a result - This was a HarkDragon. Complete with Amazon Reviews, names like Daniel, and arguing for the sake of arguing, Checkbox was against a true CI Warrior.

His training had not prepared him for this, but he knew how to deal with trolls back home; troll them even harder. Troll like you've never trolled before. Become the Ultimate, Impossible Troll.

Checkbox had been trolling for years, but nothing like this. He meditated for a few minutes, honing his troll gland, ready to focus his years of experience into this one shot; this one opportunity. He could seize everything he ever wanted in this
one moment... but he wasn't sure if he would capture it... or let it slip.

Checkbox's palms were sweaty from so much typing, his knees weak from Harkiusing so much. His arms were heavier than most because of his weight; there was even some of Mom's Spaghetti on his sweater leftover from earlier. Checkbox was stoic on the outside, but was quite nervous on the inside.

The Gutter Skulks were chanting from all around him, encouraging him, waiting to see if he would succeed or shitpost yet again.

Finally, Checkbox hit "Enter", and awaited the fate of the Dragon, and hoped glory would be just around the corner...

Pendulum submission

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Oh I hate you.

Pendulum pondered the situation. He had that sword, but it just sucked, so he cast it aside, instead depending on his
quick wit and brute strength to face what, he realized ironically, was his own creation. "Dragon," he yelled, "you're actually kind of cute, can I get your AIM handle? Maybe we could sext or something."
This move perplexed the monster. Truly this puny being couldn't be hitting on it? They were both aware that, somewhere, faceless masks were watching, judging them, but it didn't matter. Sure, one was an inanimate object only given motion by the power of gravity, and the other was a hideous monster, but their attraction to each other was, somehow, undeniable, regardless of the ghosts who watched.
Like two fighters, they moved slowly toward the other, and Pendulum felt the hot breath of the monster as he slid towards the things gaping, wanting maw. He feared that his gambit hadn't worked, that the creature, enraged by its own confusion, would simply fry him even now, as he was so close, so close to his goal. To their goal, really.
But the hot breath did not
escalate to a fiery blast, and the two were as if magnetized, the steps of each making metallic clinking noises on the hard rock beneath their feet... as though Pendulum truly had feet... and soon they were so close as to reach out and touch the other. The heat boiling around them was nothing to the heat of his blood, for still the adventurer hesitated, almost as if he now reconsidered the path he was taking, for surely there was no going back once the monster was his. His hand reacted without his mind telling it to, without his knowledge, and before he knew it he was sliding one trembling finger along the small, fine scales of the creature's foreleg. The dragon let off a huff of steam, scalding Pendulum's flesh lightly, tantalizing. Its huge eyes slowly blinked, its own emotions, though obviously just as troubled as his, gave off nothing but the torchlight of the cavern and a deep well into its likewise obscured soul.
He took another step forward, now fully in the reach of the dragon's
mouth, it's tearing claws. A missed step would cost him his life, he was sure, but he realized that he didn't care: this was his moment to finally take what he had always known was his.
He slid his palm, seductively, up the creature's leg, towards the thing's heaving chest, towards some sort of mercy. He could feel the powerful muscles underneath those scales, flinching and hardening, a flurry of activity like a dervish below the monster's skin. His own body reacted similarly, threatening to revolt against its own desires, its own lust, to simply run and be vaporized and greet the void. Yet the rage of emotion between the two continued, unstoppable, and his hand finally found the shoulder of the being, accepting the scales and the heat and the strangeness of the moment all with the peace of a creature ready to pounce.
His hand, ever moving on its, found the nape of the monster's neck, the sleek long neck, and as he felt the strength of the tendons and the muscles and even the
blood of it he felt his own strength harden, finally felt a more relatable passion, something he knew and could, well, could grasp easily. Even though the dragon hadn't moved, hadn't given any indication besides the involuntary flinch as his hand... which must seem so alien to it as well... he still knew that the monster sensed this change in him, some imperceivable gossamer change in the way it stood implacably, though that seemed impossible.
He drew his mouth close to the things long, oddly floppy ear, and dragged the dryness of his lips against it, as though in an unspoken whisper of his desire, and to an outside observer he was sure it would look like he was saying things of power to the creature. It was a laughable concept: this moment was beyond words, beyond any form of communication more crafted than pure primal lust.

He began what he knew would be his final descent, no matter which way the fates took him now. The sword, long forgotten though it was only mere minutes since he had
cast it aside, threw long streaks of light about the cavern, illuminating the monster's waiting, dripping mouth, his own leg, in a way that was both completely random and yet seemed to be guided by the hands of the gods themselves. As if by this ephemeral token, the monster finally reacted, with the slowness of ages moving toward him, seeking to envelop him in its own desires, and for all his strength and fear Pendulum wanted it, cried out for it in heaving chest and sighing breath. He felt the dragon's long sinews snapping and popping as it tried, very badly, to keep its longs claws from shredding into the long flesh of his leg, tearing at the simple adventurer's armor he wore as though it were nothing but fog, stripping him of his pride and his clothes at the same time. The moment was now, and they both knew that the moment must be now, yet still they hesitated in the grip of each, still combatants even in this, but knowing that the moment was gone and gone again as the time, on its own
arcing pendulum, ticked on and on.
With final, terminal motion he reached up his scarred, strong adventurer's hand, grasping the nape of the dragon's neck in a hold that, for all his will, could easily be denied, and he knew that.. but still, when he pulled, the dragon moved, led perhaps by forces stronger than either of them, or both of them combined. He felt the hot breath again, the long sinews, the scales and the teeth and especially the tongue, draw closer with his bidding. Yet this was not a touch, not yet, this was just an oracle of what must, now, come to pass.
Then, as if the very world moved, there was a sensation unlike any he had ever experienced, a second that spun out to eternity. The steam of the cavern rose, and he plunged.
And conquered the dragon.

This concludes todays role
playing on MTGC, thank you for participating. You may now:

1) Turn to page 218 to battle the Harkdragon
2) Return to page 87 and return the sword to the grave

Due to Checkbox's confusing start and ambiguous ending, combined with a try hard dose of mr mauling, he will be getting a special reward for his victory.

The facts: The first contest was a real unabashed failure. Checkbox posted something about his dick, and Pendulum posted erotic fanfiction.

The Verdict: both get awarded a "Failure of page 109" pink Dragon trophy

[Dragon of Grondok]

This is the tally for the Page 109 contest of the blathering thread #2: NOW! That's What I Call General Site Blathering, Vol. 2

The Challenge

---

I AM THE DRAGON OF GRONDOK!

THE FAILHERO CHECKBOO ELUDED IN HIS QUEST TO SLAY ME!

DOST THOU WISH TO CHALLENGE ME?

THE FIRST MEMBER TO POST A 3,000 WORD POST DESCRIBING A ONE-ON-ONE FIGHT BETWEEN THEMSELVES AND THE DRAGON OF GRONDOK WILL BE DECLARED THE WINNER.

THE MEMBER MUST INCORPORATE THE FLAVOR TEXT OF 25 MAGIC: THE GATHERING DRAGON CARDS INTO THEIR POST, BUT NO FLAVOR TEXT THAT REFERENCES PRONOUNS OR OTHER LORE FROM THE MAGIC: THE GATHERING UNIVERSE. ONLY GENERIC BULLSHIT. IT MUST BE INSERTED NATURALLY INTO THE BATTLE POST, NOT LISTED OR TACKED ON.

nTHE FIGHT MUST ONLY INCLUDE TWO CHARACTERS, THE CHALLENGER AND THE DRAGON OF GRONDOK. SEE CHECKBOO'S PREVIOUS ATTEMPT FOR AN EXAMPLE OF HOW TO FAIL.

HUMOR IS ALLOWED; META REFERENCING THIS INTERNET SHITHOLE IS NOT!

THE WINNER RECEIVES A PERMANENT DRAGON SLAYER TROPHY COURTESY OF THE ADMINS.. IF THE THREAD REACHES PAGE 108, NOBODY WINS AND YOU MUST TRY AGAIN AT PAGE 218!

TRY HARD, FAIL HARD!

COME AT ME!

Stardust submission

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I stood on the sidelines for a time, judging that it would be best to stay far enough away to avoid getting hit by wayward dicks of would-be heroes. Ages ago, the soothsayer had given me a cryptic hint of my future: “If it can scar the sky with fire, do not share its destination.” So I stayed well back, content to watch and maybe laugh. I guess what I didn’t
realise is that when a dragon attacks, there are no bystanders. A giant blaze erupted from the dragon’s lair, singing not only my eyebrows, but also two of my posts. Shit just got personal.

As I walked up to the entrance to the cave, little snippets of my mother’s voice came back to haunt me. "The dragon is a perfect marriage of power and the will to use it."... “Sometimes it's best to let sleeping dragons lie.”... "The dragon has no pretense of compassion, no false mask of civilization—just hunger, heat, and need."... But I pushed the thoughts from my mind. The fear of dragons is as old and as powerful as the fear of death itself, but I knew in my heart of hearts that to slay a dragon, my resolve must be stronger than my steel. This was even truer given that all I had on my person was a length of rope, a pack of sugarfree gum and my iPhone which had run out of batteries about an hour earlier. Luckily (or perhaps not, depending on your stance), my rage carried me through
the portal and into the lair of the dragon.

As I walked past the broken corpses of a lifetime of hopeful dragon-slayers, my rage began to slip, giving way to the more rational side of my brain. Rather than turn back I called down into the cave to bolster my own confidence. “Dragon! I am Stardust, known as the slayer of dragons and bedder of women! I am no knight or prince or mage, but dozens of your kin have been laid to rest by my sword. Dragonfire forged me a warrior – my flesh can withstand the flame, and the spirit of the dragon burns within my soul! Doom casts its own flickering shadow, so prepare yourself for my coming, for this day is your last!” As I spewed out this nonsense and lies, I was hopeful that if the dragon felt terror, it would truly be my servant. All the shouting did wonders for my own confidence (stupidity?) at least, and I carried on.

I was a little concerned by the lack of response from below. Everything was silent except for the drip of water from the ceiling and the
catchy rock tune that I’m sure was just nagging at the back of my mind. I had expected to just be burned to a crisp after shouting challenges like that, but maybe my confidence was actually working to bend the creature to my will. I’d been counting the number of dead knights as I continued, though the sheer number of them lying with their genitalia exposed caused me to lose count around 60 or 70. I imagined that some might call me gay for an admission like that, but really I was just wondering about the reason why they might have decided to drop their swords and wield their dick instead. Really. That’s all I was thinking guys, seriously. Whatever, not like it’s going to matter since I’m not making it out of here alive anyway. I resolved that no matter what happened, no matter what mind games or threats this dragon used against me, I would never, ever drop my pants. It’s undignified.

It wasn’t too much longer until I reached the end of the tunnel. There were some loose rocks to one side, indicating that
likely the stream that ran through here to carve out the cave in ages past had been blocked by a small collapse. I wondered briefly whether that collapse would have occurred naturally, or if the dragon might have caused it himself. Of course, at that point I remembered what I was doing and realised that the dragon was nowhere in sight. There hadn’t been any turn-offs or bends in the tunnel as far as I remembered. So where did that lizard go?

Suddenly there was movement to my right! I recoiled, expecting to die at any moment, but there was nothing there. Just a big boulder that had obviously rolled away from the wall during the collapse all that time ago. Then I caught sight of a tiny yellow horn sticking out from behind the rock. That horn moved slightly to reveal a cat-like eye, which quickly disappeared as it realised I was looking at it. I frowned, confused, and walked over to investigate.

What I saw wasn’t so much an apocalypse in dragon form as a... chocobo in dragon form. Yeah, a chocobo. Cute,
yellow, and definitely created by a Japanese cartoonist. It shied away from me as I came around the boulder.

“Hey there you little cutie! What are you doing down here?” I asked in as nice a voice as possible.

The deep, booming voice that responded shocked me. “I am the Dragon of Grondok. This is my home.”

“What!? I mean... what? Really? You’re the Dragon of Grondok? You killed all those people and blew that eruption of fire out of here?”

“Never doubt a dragon just because of its size,” it replied back in its booming voice. I felt like I was in one of those movies where some little cute thing has a really deep voice. I mean, that’s exactly what this was. But I couldn’t remember the name of the movie...

“So what are you doing here?” the Dragon asked me, the booming voice shocking me once again out of my thoughts.

“Oh, yeah, ummm, I actually came here to...” I couldn’t very well say that I was there to kill him. “Hey, can I ask you a question? You killed all those people, right? Why?”

“That
was three questions. Yes, yes, and because they were trying to kill me.” The Dragon took up a more casual pose, leaning up against the boulder as he replied. “Either that or they just got tired of waiting for a dragon to eat them. You see, a dragon's scale can be carved into a mighty shield, provided you can procure a dragontooth to cut it. So that’s it for some of them. Some just hate us and believe that it is best to conquer dragons before they hatch, killing as many of us as possible. I mean, while it's true most dragons are cruel, the rest only seek any opportunity to restore the broken pride of their race.”

“So that’s it? Just kill you because you’re a dragon?”

“Well, I guess that’s not totally accurate. Some barbarians claim we’re cut from the same cloth, if you’ll forgive the expression. Blah blah, language of flame and rage, blah blah, language of fury and honor. Then they go off about some tale of destruction. It gets old, but that part I can handle. It isn’t until they try what the
barbarians call ‘touching the soul of the dragon’... yeah, that’s when it’s gone too far.”

“You mean –“

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Wow.” Suddenly it all made sense. “So that’s why all those guys up there have no pants on!”

“Yes, that’s exactly right. Oh, except one of them. He actually tried to kill me with his dick. He tried really really hard. Like, really hard. I felt bad for him, so I ran away and let him tell some of his friends that he’d killed me, but when he came back to do it again I was in a bad mood. So I killed him.”

“Oh. That sucks.” I couldn’t think of anything to say for a minute, but I was afraid that if the conversation lulled for too long we might end up getting around to talking about eating me or something, so I asked, “What about spell casters and that sort of thing? Can’t they just mind control you or something?”

“Ah, perhaps, but as they say, ‘A dragon will not be ruled.’” said the dragon as if quoting a famous line (though I’d never heard it).

“That
may be true, but what about mind tricks? ‘Even a dragon is humble as a kitten if it thinks itself a slave’,” I said, hoping I sounded official enough to make that sound like a real expression.

Without bothering to comment on my invented quote (which I felt was quite clever), the dragon simply said, “When you've got the temperament of a dragon, every argument is one you'll win,” then flashed a toothy grin and licked his lips.

I thought briefly about the implications of that statement, then went dumb. This dragon was going to eat me after all. It may look like a chocobo, but those teeth showed its true nature. “Well, if you’re going to eat me anyway, why didn’t you just get it over with while I was coming down the cavern!?”

The dragon shrugged. “I didn’t hear you.”

I felt further deflated. Everything clever I’d done so far today was going completely unappreciated. “How is that even possible? I yelled so loud!”

“Did you? Sorry about that.” The dragon actually looked apologetic. “
I had just let out that crazy explosion, and every time I do something that epic and destructive I get that song ‘Smoke on the Water’ stuck in my head. You know that song?”

I nodded, still mute. I’d been hearing that same song in my head ever since I stepped foot in the cave.

“Well, you know how to get rid of a song that’s stuck in your head?”

I shook my head, still mute.

“You sing it of course! So I probably didn’t hear you because I was busy singing. It really is a great song. I used to be in a band and we would play that song sometimes, but dragon fire melts any instrument, so I eventually got kicked out. I still go to karaoke sometimes though.”

“A karaoke singing dragon. I never thought I’d see the day. Care to join me in singing a round?”

“That sounds fantastic! You’re much more fun than most of the people who come down here to kill me!”

With that we both started singing, the music echoing off the cavern walls.

We all came out to Montereax,
On the Lake Geneva shoreline.
To
make records with a mobile,
We didn't have much time.
But Frank Zappa and the Mothers,
Were at the best place around,
But some stupid with a flare gun,
Burned the place to the ground.
Smoke on the water and fire in the sky.
Smoke on the water...

They burned down the gambling house,
It died with an awful sound.
(Uh) Funky Claude was running in and out,
Pulling kids out the ground.
When it all was over,
We had to find another place.
But Swiss time was running out,
It seemed that we would lose the race.
Smoke on the water and fire in the sky.
Smoke on the water...

We ended up at the Grand Hotel.
It was empty cold and bare.
But with the Rolling truck Stones thing just outside,
Making our music there.
With a few red lights, a few old beds,
We made a place to sweat.
No matter what we get out of this,
I know I know we'll never forget.
Smoke on the water and fire in the sky.
Smoke on the water...

As we neared the end of the song, the dragon
was getting pretty into it, busting out some sweet licks on his air guitar, he went down on two knees and threw his head back to really give the rock and roll effect. It was sweet. It was also exactly what I’d been waiting for. I took my length of rope, wrapped it tight around my hands, and choked the dragon from behind. He struggled, fire ricocheted off the walls in every direction, but I held tight until the dragon exploded. There was a shower of dragonscales, then nothing more.

When I finally regained consciousness I looked around the room. Mind tricks don’t work on dragons... “HA!” I grabbed a scale as a souvenir and strutted out of the cavern with a smug look on my badly burnt face.

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Badman's submission

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i cant manage 300 words,yet 3000 words, fuck you dragon.


shit do you need 3000 words just to post:

With my epic zweihänder I wield in my right hand and my tower shield in the other clad in my warrior's finest chain mail, i walk up to the dragon and let out a mighty roar. as the dragon returns the sound i leap high in the air and slam my tower shield into its throat. while reeling from the blow the dragon breathes its deadly fire into my face. luckily, the witch's enchantment protects me from it's wicked breath. i pull my sword arm back to swing, but the dragon's talon blocks the follow through. i spit in his face to taunt him. enraged, the dragon tries to spew his vicious breathe weapon at me
again. I dodge, not knowing if the enchantment would still withstand. Not something i would like to test either. with my great sword still trapped, i bash the dragon again, into his wrist. the dragon slashes at me with his other claw, ripping into my forehead. Blood blinding my sight, i dig deep into myself and rip my sword from the beasts grasp and dropping my shield. I grip it tight with both hands, as I run into its gaping maw. Thrusting my sword in to the roof of its mouth, deep into its brain. It thrashes about as I cling on, hoping it doesn't swallow me. Another burst of its dragon's fire swells into its throat. Guess its time to see if the witch's enchantment can still protect me. its thrashes its death throes as i'm hit with a large blast.

finally it dies, with its head crashing down, a lone shadow appears from it's mouth. the shadow cleans off its sword, then picks up its shield. it checks its self of any injuries. the dust settles, and the figure now has a draconian
appearance. 'I am no longer human' says the being 'I am much more.' With a mighty roar the creature sprouts dragon wings. 'I NOW HAVE THE FORM OF THE DRAGON' It bellowed loudly. 'The witch lied about staying human!' he continued. 'My fellow order knights will hunted dragon me down!. 'Under the moonveil dragon to our homelands in Shivan dragon, I will not know rest!' the dragon man sits on the slain dragon's lifeless palm. 'I will not rest until i sink my dragon fangs into that she-devil's neck!' He grips his sword, his body now fully encased in dragon scales. 'I must get my vengeance. No longer am I the exalted dragon [card=stalker]dragonstalker[/card:
2f2fv34t] of these terrible beasts but now I am feared like the dragon arch that mark their territories. My dragon shadow will strike fear into the same i swore to protect. I have dragonshift into a monster from the [card=pit!]rakdos pit dragon[/card] This witch will give me dragon appeasement or she shall feel the true meaning of a terrible [card=death!]death by dragons[/card]

I stand from the claw, a terrible mist dragon encloses around me, as a terrible hypersonic dragoncry pierces my ears. 'What is this dragonstorm in my head?' I cry as a shaman approaches me with a knight and a weary but battleworn warrior. 'Who are you? Why must you torment me?' as I clutch my head. "Peace with you our new god' spoke the shaman.
"OnlyDragonspeaker shaman, but my companions are like you too.' He motions to the knight 'He is holds dragonsoul knight and he,' the shaman points to the scraggly looking warrior' is a Kargan Dragonlord.' We are here to pay our due respects.' I snort at the last line, 'what respect? I am no longer a man, but a scion of the ur-dragonof destruction'. 'Ah,' interjected the shaman ' a scion indeed, of our religion, but not now, for you must slumbering dragon for you to achieve perferction.' I scoff as the two other men grab my arms. 'What are you doing?' I shout but to no avail. 'Right now you are just a fledgling dragon, a [card=whelp]
dragon whelp[/card], but when you reawaken, you shall rain brimstone dragon and balefire dragon on your enemies.' The shaman sprinkles a powder on me. I struggle but to no avail, as i drift into sleep...


I awaken, in my ultimate form.

Nicol Bolas

When I awoke, I seen a crowd of people. I knew what they wanted, so I told them 'Now this is the story all about how My life got flipped, turned upside down And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-air In west Philadelphia born and raised On the playground where I spent most of my days Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool And all shooting some b-ball outside of the school When a couple of guys, they were up to no good Started making trouble in my neighborhood I got in one little fight and my mom got scared And said "You're moving with your
auntie and uncle in Bel-air" I whistled for a cab and when it came near the License plate said "fresh" and had a dice in the mirror If anything I could say that this cab was rare But I thought nah, forget it, yo homes to Bel-air! I pulled up to a house about seven or eight And I yelled to the cabby "Yo, homes smell you later!" Looked at my kingdom I was finally there To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-air'

A lone woman stood up in the crowd, beautiful as the day is long, and told me a story that helped ease my fears, she told me a story from her country. She told me 'Let me tell you a story Story of a man Who wants to be a god God of the wind He dressed to brown. Brown leather clothes He used a bone mace And ate mushrooms He lived in the woods There trees are huge Only friends were trolls Who were all the time drunk He saw nightmare There big bad bear Ran behind him And shouted these words: If you want to be a god of wind You have to beat me If you want to be a god
of wind You must take my skin If you want to be a god of wind You must use my nails If you want to be a god of wind You must be like me, must be like bear'

I knew after that, I was in love. i told her We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it And if you ask me how I'm feeling Don't tell me you're too blind to see Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never
gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you (Ooh, give you up) (Ooh, give you up) Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you'


and that is how I became the ultimate being

The facts: The second contest was a tad hard I must confess. 3000 words might have been a tad too much. We had submissions from both Stardust and badman The Verdict: In principle, both should get awarded a "Failure of page 109" pink Dragon trophy, but the contest was really hard, and they put up some effort. They get a green dragon trophy because I'm feeling generous today

EDIT: Demoted back to failure trophies due to the timely intervention of Kait

[Kaitscralt]

it was meant to be hard. give the failures failures!

[Dragon of Grondok]

This is the tally for the Page 109 contest of the blathering thread #3: Lather Up and Blather On, Vol. 3

The Challenge!

---

I AM THE DRAGON OF GRONDOK AND I HAVE WOKEN ONCE MORE!

TO CELEBRATE THE RECENT DRAMA, PLEASE CHOOSE A CHARACTER:

SENE “BLOODEAGLE” ERIKSSON:

WEAPON: BATTLEAXE
FINISHING MOVE: THE BLOODEAGLE

--

GALSPANIC TOECLAW

WEAPON: FOOT TALONS
FINISHING MOVE: THE VELOCIRAPTOE

--

NAI FOXSQUAT

WEAPON: FOXSUIT
FINISHING MOVE: THE GAMESTOPPER

--

VOLTRAN SLOW-GOER

WEAPON: DROOL
FINISHING MOVE: THE MTGSALIVATION

--

LAPDOG THE BULLIED-MUCH

WEAPON: CAMERA
FINISHING MOVE: THE BROWN NOSE

--

PICK A CHARACTER AS YOUR CHAMPION AND DESCRIBE THEIR ATTACK ON THE
DRAGON OF GRONDOK IN 1,000 WORDS. YOU MUST MENTION THEIR WEAPON AND FINAL ATTACK. MOST CREATIVE WINS, NOT FIRST POSTED. VOTE WILL BE HELD IF TWO OR MORE PEOPLE SUBMIT A CHALLENGE. BONUS POINTS IF I WIN THE BATTLE.

WINNER GETS A SPECIAL IRIDIUM TROPHY!

rezombad submission

---

Dread turns into night as I kneel, claws at fully extended, do claws extend? I consult wikipedia ready to begin what would surely be my least intersting battle ever. Wikipedia has no information about fox claws specifically so I delve further into various fox classifications in order to fully become my character. The arctic fox page is devoid of fox claw information. The crab-eating fox page is devoid of fox claw information. The south american fox page is devoid of fox claw information. The bat-eared fox page is devoid of fox
claw information. The pages of the Bengal fox, Vulpes bengalensis, Blanford's fox, Vulpes cana, Cape fox, Vulpes chama, Corsac fox, Vulpes corsac, Fennec fox, Vulpes zerda, Kit fox, Vulpes macrotis, Pale fox, Vulpes pallida, Rüppell's fox, Vulpes rueppellii, Red fox, Vulpes vulpes (includes silver fox), Swift fox, Vulpes velox, Tibetan sand fox, Vulpes ferrilata all contained no information regarding fox claws.

My day almost ruined and the battle with the dragon looming, I have no other choice. I use google to locate a page about red foxes and learn this: "One very remarkable feature distinguishing foxes from other canines is their semiretractable claws. This feature helps keep the claws sharp by reducing their contact with the ground."

Continuing to read I discover more interesting fox information; "To catch prey, the red fox has evolved very acute senses. As previously mentioned, foxes and cats have evolved extremely similar eyes. Their retinas are dominated by
photoreceptor cells called rods. While rods can not detect colour or produce images as sharp as the cone cells that dominate human eyes, they are much more sensitive and function better in low light. To further improve night vision, nocturnal animals such as foxes and cats developed a reflective layer behind the retina called the tapetum lucidum. It serves to reflect light back onto the retina, thereby doubling the animal´s chance to see something it might otherwise miss. This layer is what makes a cat´s eyes glow in the dark, and has the same effect with foxes. Under conditions of bright light, pupils constrict to protect the delicate photoreceptors. Dogs get by with round pupils, but with their more sensitive eyes, foxes have evolved distinctive elliptical pupils that contract more fully. These features provide excellent ability to detect movement in the dark, although at the cost of clarity and detail particularly under lighter conditions.

Another sensory feature useful in poor light is the fox´s
whiskers, or vibrissae. Longer than those of dogs, these cat like whiskers extend from both the snout and the wrists. Tactile information from these vibrissae supplement vision in dim light.

The fox´s triangular shaped ears move continually to improve reception. In "How To Spot A Fox", J. David Henry, describes a "mousing position" in which a fox will elevate its head with it´s ears erect to detect sound. Once prey is detected, the fox will cock or lower it´s head to determine where it is. Foxes possess extremely acute hearing, particularly in the low frequency range. This is very useful in detecting and localizing small animals in under growth or deep snow to within a few centimeters. Hearing is probably the most useful sense to a hunting red fox."

What a day!
But how will this information help me defeat a dragon, the most fearsome of all mythical beings? I fear that it will not. But I must stand against this tyrranical scumbag. This defender of the wicked.

I think back
to one of my previous adventures as a fox, set on a group of planets in the Lylat System. Ingenious scientist Andross, a native of the fourth planet Corneria, is driven to madness and nearly destroys the planet using biological weapons. For Andross' treason, General Pepper exiles the scientist to the remote planet Venom. Five years after Andross' exile, Pepper discovers an unknown activity in Venom. Pepper hires the Star Fox team (consisting of James FOXSQUAT, Peppy Hare, and Pigma Dengar) to investigate. After arriving at Venom, Pigma betrays the team and causes James and Peppy to be captured by Andross. James eventually sacrifices himself, allowing Peppy to escape and tell James' son, NAI FOXSQUAT about his father's fate.
A few years following James' demise, Andross launches an attack across the Lylat System. Realizing that his army cannot stop Andross, Pepper summons the Star Fox team, now consisting of NAI, Peppy, Falco Lombardi and Slippy Toad. While traveling through
several planets, including the Lylat System's star, Solar, and the asteroid field Meteo, the team battles with several of Andross' henchmen, including the rival mercenaries, Star Wolf.
The team eventually invades Venom, where NAI defeats Andross, only to find that it is a false, robotic version of himself. He destroys it and returns to Corneria, leaving Andross in Venom. Fox eventually decides to confront Andross one more time, along with Star Wolf. Fox defeats Andross, who reveals his true form, a floating brain with two floating eyes. After defeating the brain, James appears and shows Fox the way out. When he narrowly escapes, they return to Corneria for a victory celebration. When offered membership into the Cornerian Army, NAI declines on behalf of his team; saying "Oh no, sir. We prefer doing things our own way". The game ends with the Great Fox and the Star Fox team flying off in their Arwings into the skies.

"one
two
three
four
five
six
seven
eight
nine
ten
eleven
ntwelve
thirteen
fourteen
fifteen
sixteen
seventeen
eighteen
nineteen
twenty"
I can't count past twenty so I count again
"one
two
three
four
five
six
seven
eight
nine
ten
eleven
twelve
thirteen
fourteen
fifteen
sixteen
seventeen
eighteen
nineteen
twenty"
and again
"one
two
three
four
five
six
seven
eight
nine
ten
eleven
twelve
thirteen
fourteen
fifteen
sixteen
seventeen
eighteen
nineteen
twenty"
and again
"one
two
three
four
five
six
seven
eight
nine
ten
eleven
twelve
thirteen
fourteen
fifteen
sixteen
seventeen
eighteen
nineteen
twenty"
and again as I deliver these blows to the dragon
"one
two
three
four
five
six
seven
eight
nine
ten
eleven
twelve
thirteen
fourteen
fifteen
sixteen
seventeen
eighteen
nineteen
twenty"
I can feel him weakening
"one
two
three
four
five
six
seven
eight
nine
ten
eleven
twelve
thirteen
fourteen
fifteen
sixteen
seventeen
neighteen
nineteen
twenty"
I count the blows to the dragon aloud as I recall the events in the Lylat System.
The death of my father
"one
two
three
four
five
six
seven
eight
nine
ten
eleven
twelve
thirteen
fourteen
fifteen
sixteen
seventeen
eighteen
nineteen
twenty"
The dragon crumples to dust in my hands as I declare myself the victor, destroyer of dragons, ancient space gargoyles and all other beings. The world smiles on my greatness and the president of Earth prepares a parade in my honor

( G_R ) submission

---

Lapdog The Bullied-much wanted the reward for slaying the Dragon of Grondok. However, he didn’t take the usual “knight on a white horse, spear first” approach. Oh no. He approached the castle humbly dressed as an everyday peasant. He
thought that maybe that way the dragon wouldn’t see him coming. But the Dragon of Grondok still growled, and sniffed him from a mile. The Dragon took off and flew right at the sorry little guy. It started spitting fire from its mouth and, accustomed to bullying as he was, Lapdog ran quickly to a cave opening and barely avoided the burning breath of the mighty creature.
Lapdog The Bullied-much saw then that it wasn’t about to be an easy task. He then thought that it would be best to stay away from the dragon’s castle, until the time was right, and went deeper inside the cave. He found that a tribe of warriors lived in there, and he slowly started gaining the favor of the more experienced warriors, by patronizing other peasants and lower-ranked mercenaries. He saw that the whole tribe was plotting a scheme to bring down the Dragon’s castle, and slay the mystic creature, and started bringing his own devices to the table.
He soon gained the favor of the tribe’s leader, Rinamort. And he plotted with him how to
bring down the Dragon. But secretly, he was devising a plot of his own. He hadn’t told anyone about his secret weapon: the camera. And he didn’t plan to, either.
Everyone knew that killing the dragon within its castle was a daunting task. The elite of the warrior tribe had already come to the conclusion that they needed to lure the Dragon out, and that they needed to either bring the Dragon to the ground, or somehow be able to fight at the Dragon’s height, near the sky. Then it occurred to them. They would lure it to the highest summit of their kingdom, and they needed someone to be ready at the top with a special weapon to slay the dragon, while the rest of the tribe used siege weapons to tear down every wall of the Dragon’s castle. Lapdog The Bullied-much volunteered to be at the summit waiting for the Dragon, but still he didn’t reveal his secret weapon.
Luring the Dragon of Grondok out wasn’t as easy a task as they thought. They made many attempts, but every time the Dragon would just fly out, burn the
crap out of the luring crews, and then return to the northern tower of the Castle, where it just sat and waited, as if gloating over the defeat of the warriors.
Lapdog realized that they needed to deceive the Dragon, in order to strike the final blow. He told Rinamort, the tribe leader, to speak to the witches, who produced a cursed, fake, dragon’s egg. Once the Dragon touched the egg, it would be trapped and Lapdog would be free to use his camera to expose the maliciousness of the Dragon, and defeat it. He tricked Rinamort into revealing his location to the dragon, and showing to him that he had acquired one of its eggs. Rinamort was so convinced of the fatefulness of his new servant that he agreed with the plan.
Rinamort took the egg and rode his horse to the recently founded town of Yorkhatten. It was within the Dragon of Grondok’s reach, and he started making noise with his sword and shield. But the Dragon merely growled, as if chuckling. Rinamort grew angrier, and started to throw rocks at the
castle, but he wasn’t reaching it. One of his servants, Snakeresque, came with a new idea: a bow and arrow. He quickly ran through the village, avoiding a fire spit from the passing Dragon, and swiftly grabbed the bow and some arrows. He then struggled back through a similar kind of difficulties. When he finally returned, he was surprised to find a very savage looking Rinamort, who was sucking the blood out of the neck of a rooster that he found near their location. Snakeresque merely watched, as Rinamort sucked the rooster’s blood.
Snakeresque held the bow and stretched it as far back as he could. His arms trembled with the effort. When he finally released the arrow, he fell to the floor from the momentum he had imprinted to the projectile. The arrow flew, and missed the Dragon of Grondok’s wing by a couple inches, but that sure got the dragon’s attention. Rinamort started yelling and waving the fake dragon’s egg in the air. The Dragon, however, wasn’t easily deceived, and it knew already that that was
not one of its eggs, because the Dragon of Grondok was a male dragon, and he laid none. However, he realized that this Rinamort person was not going to leave him alone until he tore his head from his living body, and started flapping its wings.
Lapdog was waiting on top of the mountain’s summit, and had his camera ready. From the height, he saw how Rinamort dodged flame after flame from the dragon’s mouth. He encouraged him while he was climbing the mountain. Suddenly, the dragon grew tired of warnings and grabbed Rinamort’s horse with its powerful jaws. This propelled Rinamort higher up the mountain, very near the summit. The Dragon of Grondok chewed the horse mercilessly, and came back for Rinamort, who had already reached the summit . Rinamort stood a few paces in front of Lapdog, who took out his camera and smacked Rinamort in the head with it. Rinamort fell flat on his face with his buttocks up, just in time for Lapdog to prepare THE BROWN NOSE. With a fully brown nose, Lapdog prepared his camera to
take a shot at the Dragon. The Dragon spat a dense smoke ball towards Lapdog, who almost dropped his camera, and catch it mid-air, only backwards. When he tried to take a shot at the dragon, he shot himself, and the Dragon ate him.

The Facts: rezombad c/p'd some shit from somewhere, whereas ( G_R ) took the time to carefully craft a story that embodies the spirit of the Dragon of Grondok (the lapdog gets rightfully eaten by myself). He later posted it as a short story contest:

http://forums.mtgsalvation.com/showthre ... st10520700

GR, your great story seems to have been infracted for trolling.

Lol, GR got an infraction for THAT?

It's almost as if you're surprised.

I wrote a story: http://forums.mtgsalvation.com/showthre ... st10521932

The verdict: rezombad posted shit and gets a failure trophy. ( G_R ) took the contest and made it next level, he gets a Red Dragon trophy for drawing blood at MTGS

[Dragon of Grondok]

This is the tally for the Page 109 contest of the blathering thread #4: Blatherdome #4: My Resignation

The Challenge

---

I AM THE DRAGON OF GRONDOK!!! WHO DARES WAKE ME UP FROM MY SLUMBER ON A SUNDAY?!!!!

I HAVE EATEN ALL OF YOUR PETTY POSTS!

TO WIN A TROPHY, WRITE A 1000-WORD STORY ABOUT MY BATTLE WITH PENDOLO DE CONÇALVES, USING TETITAS NO RABOSI AS A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS!

King Spam's Submission

---

“Knights!” the large king shouted from his
throne, “One among you must take on the loathsome Dragon of Grondok, lest our glorious kingdom be overrun with the demonic hordes he serves herald to!”

The Knights of the Round Table sat quietly, timidly, as the king uttered these words. They had never before been asked to take a stand. Surely taking a stand was not the right course of action; after all, the Knights solved most of their issues by sitting around talking about them. They would talk for so long that eventually the issue in question would simply go away. But not today. No, today’s pronouncement about the legendary Dragon of Grondok couldn’t simply be ignored. This creature had befouled the Kingdom of the First Salvation for nearly a year, yet no amount of talking behind closed doors could slay the beast.

In fact, one rumor, spoken only in secret, maintained that the Dragon was once a Knight of the First Salvation who turned evil and corrupted after being unjustly accused of treachery against the realm. Of course, all official
records of this event, whether true or not, had been sealed away forever. Only the king and his closest advisors knew the truth, though their pride prevented them from ever telling their subjects.

The first signs of trouble began when shady characters began to infiltrate the court. Some confronted the king and his knights directly, and gleefully baited them into ridiculous debates designed to tarnish the court's impeccable honor. When the king ordered these characters reveal their identities, they simply vanished. No trace of their presence remained, forcing the king and his advisors to fruitlessly guess at their identities. As a result, many in the kingdom were burned at the stake as traitors despite their clear innocence. When confronted with proof of their innocence, the king merely looked away, deciding to himself that their accusations alone were proof of their guilt.

“I have heard the appeals of liars in the past! Therefore anyone who appeals must be a liar!” the king roared.
While many in court found this statement to be untrue, their blind allegiance to his rule prevented them from speaking up. Thus, the king ruled with his tiny cabal of advisors for years, until the Dragon began to strike in force.

One cloudy day - as every day in the realm of the First Salvation was slightly overcast - the Dragon swooped down and captured Lady Rabosi, one of the most outspoken members of the court. One brave Knight tried to save her though his halfhearted attempt was met with failure. As the damsel was carried off into the night, some villagers could faintly hear her yell, “Someone stay angry for me! Always stay angry!” Of course, the villagers had no idea what she meant by this. Her speech was too far removed from the common Salvation citizen for them to ever truly understand. Only the Knights in the castle and the king knew her meaning, for the inner court was always angry, fueled by an impotent rage that comes with having heated discussions behind castle doors for years on end.


And so the king needed a champion to fight the beastly Dragon. He looked around his court frantically. Most of his Knights had been exiled over the years due to slights, real or imagined. The only Knights who remained were bureaucrats, hardly able to hold their own in a public meeting with the commoners, much less a shield and sword. Perhaps the king could call upon an outspoken villager to fight the monster, though the prospect shook him to his core: the villagers could not be trusted. The king had always believed himself to be their parental figure, gently guiding their decisions, as surely the villagers could not reason for themselves. The King was distraught; he needed to save Lady Rabosi! She was the only person keeping the castle from returning to Sausage Fest, a yearly festival that was abandoned after Lady Rabosi convinced the court that it was costing too much gold from the treasury.

“I will fight the Dragon! I know his tactics for I once used them myself,” a voice echoed through the
court. The king turned to see one of his knights, the once disgraced Zenphos, standing up in the corner.

“Zenphos, of what do you speak?” the king stammered.

“When I was exiled from this kingdom many years ago by a former king, I used disguises to hide in plain sight. This Dragon is crafty and malicious; he will not fight you face to face. I believe that all of these recent encounters with court infiltrators are the work of the Dragon!”

The court gasped in shock. They assumed that they had been conversing with the agents of the dragon, but not the dragon himself! The white knight who valiantly tried to save Lady Rabosi fainted on the spot. The king and his court would have grown deathly silent, had they not all collectively voided their bowels at once in mortal terror.

“Yes! Yes! You spurned me, tarnished my name, and destroyed my clan!” came a foreign voice from the shadows of the hall, “It is I, the Dragon of Grondok, the knight once known as Marios! You exiled me out of
pettiness so now I repay in kind!”

Zenphos knew that this was his time to shine. This was how he could regain his prestigious position in court. He charged the hooded figure, hoping to slay the Dragon before it could morph back into its winged form. Yet as he charged, he slipped on the feces now covering the hall floor, knocking himself unconscious in the process.

“That’s right!” said the Dragon, “You turned this kingdom to shit, now in shit you stand! You cannot defeat me!”

By now, each member of the court was shaken to their very core. All of a sudden, they rose in unison. Perhaps now was their time to strike as one? Yet the Dragon knew their true intent, and the court quickly rushed behind closed doors to discuss what to do, abandoning the unconscious Zenphos in the process. In truth, these remaining court members cared little for each other, as they had stood quietly by and let member after member of their ranks get exiled in the past.

The Dragon watched them flee in fear.
He put in his hood, sadly shook his head at the shit covered hall – once a golden palace of bravery – and walked out the door. He’d be back.

Pendulum's Submission

---

Pendelo dropped the heavy sack of worries on the floor of his hut. It landed with a squishy sound he tried not to be disgusted at. It struck him, as it always did, how different he was from those who filled his sack... they generally were more than happy to shit wherever they were, even on their food, and he pondered how disparate the idea of knighthood was from the reality. In truth, he was nothing but a babysitter, a garbageman; he knew more swinging a mop than a sword.
He turned, eyes rolling slowly towards the dragon, letting out a sigh of exhaustion as he did so. The dragon was laughing maniacally, seemingly at
something it found eternally funny, billows of smoke erupting from its maw. Pendelos shrugged.
The dragon turned towards him. “Ha ha!” it said, a wave of rotted fish smell hitting him with the force of a thousand fireballs. “I have come to destroy all that was, and all that would be! Behold, I have held captive the one you call damsel, Rabosi, just to let you watch as I burn her and her world to the ground! Tremble, knight, as I cast my flames to the whole of your world!”
Pendelo cast a glance over the dragon's shoulder. “She mus' be in za tower, zen? With all za oders you seek to destroy?” He said with a sexy Spanish accent.
“Indeed!” growled the dragon. “She and her world with burn!”
Pendelo sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping. “An' how, exactly, will a fat fuck like you get in through dat tiny gate?”
“The fires of my rage will burn through all!” Screamed the dragon.
Pendelo resisted the urge to facepalm. “Your flames will burn through granite, eh?”
“I will turn
the whole world to slag!” The dragon let out an epic howl of rage and flame, aimed to the sky.
“No, dar'gon, no,” Pendelo said. “Your rage will not win you dis day. Here, I have brought you the gift.” He pulled a large object out of the sack of worries he always carried.
“What is THAT!?” Yelled the dragon, his reptilian eyes glowing with greed and pride.
“It is, how you say, a bomb.” The object, so small, beeped quietly against the din of the dragon's anger. It was wrapped in a shell of pure gold, and sparkled with the reflection of the magma pools that were a feature of the arid lands.
“A bomb! That is lunacy!”
“I did'a know that sanity was a prerequisite for da trophy.” Pendelo said, quizzically.
“You will be blown up! The tower will be blown up!”
Pendelo smirked. “Da tower is empty. They learned to dig, you see. Beneath the tower there are catacombs. Beneath the catacombs dere are caves. Beneath the caves dere are pools, connected to lakes. Dey are miles from here. As
for me? I did'a know my survival was a prerequisite for da trophy.”
The dragon grabbed for the bomb. Pendelo barely flinched as the great thing's claw swiped it out of his hands. It reached back to throw the thing far away, but Pendelo interrupted.
“Can I ask one thing, dar'gon? Da one thing I can no understand is how you never learned that giving is the key to victory. Why?”
The dragon turned its massive eye to the small figure standing on the packed earth.
The gift gave one final beep, then silence.
Then fire engulfed the world.

Pendelos lifted one charred eyelid. It appeared to be night now. By the glow of the magma pools, he glanced around, stood up painfully. He walked to where the dragon still lay; apparently the blast of the bomb had carried him quite a distance. He came upon it, looked it over: the poor thing had been horribly mangled by the blast. Its wings were simply gone, it's arm and most of its chest were nothing but a gaping wound of ripped hide and sinew.

It was awake. The thing followed his movements with its single working eye.
Finally, it spoke to him. “Does... does the tower yet stand?”
Pendelo glanced over his shoulder. “It does. Dere is some soot, but the rains will wash that away with time.”
The dragon let out a sigh of steam and pain. “I have failed.”
Pendelo smirked. “Not entirely, dar'gon. Oders will hear of our efforts, and approve of dem. Eventually, one of those who live near da levee will know what must be done. Their end will come not by da fire, but by da flood.”
The dragon let out another sigh. “I am in great pain. I will die soon. You can have your fucking trophy.”
“Dat is up to you, dar'gon. You are a beast of great strength, and you will live if you want. I have seen you take worse.”
The dragon turned its great eye on him. “What the fuck are you doing, anyway? I am a scourge, why are you talking to me instead of stepping on my brain, ending me?”
Pendelo smiled wryly. “Da funny thing is I don't know.
Perhaps I'm just a softy? I do love traditions a bit too much.”
The dragon smiled. It turned its attention to the sky. Suddenly, it spoke. “You are truly fucked up in the head, you know that? You need to like, see a specialist or something.”
“Well,” Pendelo said, “I guess it would take one to know one.”
Their mutual laughter at themselves rang through the night sky, joining the symphony of gurgles and crickets that were the constant companion of all who traveled there.
The dragon, struggling now, gazed at the stars. “Do I die now? Is this the end?”
Pendelo was silent. He turned his attention upwards to the stars as well. Finally, he spoke. “Does it matter? It's been fun whether or not this is da end of da dar'gon.” He said. He smiled.

The end?

The facts: Another contest, another bunch of failures The Verdict: Failure of Page 109 trophies for Pendulum. Someone already handled the one for
Spam

[Dragon of Grondok]

I am pleased to post the tally for a very high quality Page 109 contest of blathering thread #5: Uberteam Blather Force 5

Pre-contest Drama

---

I was a little bit late posting my contest since I was in transit, then someone inadvertently archived the thread and started a new one, so I had to issue the challenge at the beginning of the Blathering thread #6:

Holy fuck where's the dragon

Foolish Mortals!

Always Blathering and Blathering!

I can't seem to even get as much as two months sleep without
you peasants disturbing my slumber!

I will have none of this anymore! This time page 109 is when I say is page 109.

This means that I will come back when I see it fit, once I am fully rested!

Expect my coming when you less expect it.

I have spoken! Blather on, peasants!

Lame

"when you less expect it"

lol scumbag tells

Nah, that's a Scumbag in an airport dragon.

Hello and good luck

FOOLISH MORTALS

I have finally awaken from my slumber. I need to be well rested for coming up with some stupid enough games for you card analysts.

So, before we can shut down this thread here 'is what you will have to do. You willl-

What the fah

Duno

Dragon died of old age

THIS IS HIGHLY NONCONFORMAL, I AM GOING TO START FUCKING SHIT UP OVER HERE, NOW I'M REALLY PISSED

The Challenge

---

I AM PISSED OFF. LETS HOPE THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN AGAIN! Anyway.

*Ahem* FOOLISH MORTALS! Hear about your belated challenge of Blathering Vol. 5.

Today we will be conducting a raid on unsuspecting peasants, pillaging and plundering the countryside.

The valiant white knights and great card analysts who wish to
have a shot at a new dragon trophy will do the following quest:
Create a funny thread/post in MTGS Speakeasy using a gimmick This will be a special challenge because bonus points will be awarded. This time we have four ranks of dragon trophy's:

Pink Dragon: The already very well know Failure of Page 109 award, WHICH SEEMS TO BE THE ONLY ONE DRAGON TROPHY YOU NIMRODS SEEM TO BE CAPABLE OF EARNING AROUND HERE
Green Dragon: Apprentice of Page 109 trophy
Red Dragon: Scourge of Page 109 trophy
Black Dragon: Strombreath Dragon card Überanalyst of page 109.

Each one of the contestants will make at least one post on the speakeasy. It can be a new thread or just a post in an existing thread. It has to be made under a gimmick. Non-gimmick posts will be discarded! A gimmick is a poster with less than 50 posts on MTGS. Special derogations may apply. There are no limits to the number of Speakeasy posts. Bonus are stackable.

- It is advised to immediately take a screencap of the post submitted for the contest, because evil mods MTGSalvation are known to hate anything that is funny and to deleting them on sight.
- It is advised to use TOR as a gimmick, because this will further our noble quest of getting as much unsuspecting innocents banned for being Internet terrorist scourges like Scumbag, Tom Servo or Yanni

Here are some bonus points you can earn in your quest of the black dragon trophy. Special hidden scores will also be awarded, but not disclosed.

-1: The post is not funny
+1: The post makes mention of any minorities in a humorous way
+2: The post makes allusion to any transgendered card analysts in a positive fashion (re: LogicX is a valuable member of MTGS posts).
+2: Screencaps of any deleted replies are also provided. 2 points per screencap, for a maximum of 6 bonus points
+3: Your gimmick gets banned
+5: Your gimmick gets banned for being someone else
+7: The post is in bad taste but in good humor
+10: Your gimmick gets banned for being Scumbag or Tom Servo
+15: The word RAID is mentioned by innocent bystanders
+20: The word RAID is invoked by speakeasy staff
+25: Registering a sock puppet and replying to yourself related to the post/thread
+100: Your legit MTGS account get banned as a result of the participation on this contest
+∞ : The post is attested to induce severe nerdrage in MTGS

Any other funny shenanigans will be obviously rewarded as a bonus score as well.

Given the grave importance of this task:
You have a whole week for completing the quest!

Intermezzo

---

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WY4wtjYeBeA

12:50, Benji: Sergeant, it's not overloading! You need to...

12:53, Benji: Punch the Reactor!
12:57: BAAAAM!
13:00, Benji: Aaaaah aaahh ah urgh!
13:02, Rex Colt: Benji, NO!
13:05, Rex Colt: Doc, I made it...
13:07, Rex Colt: ...but Benji didn't...
13:08, Doc: I'm sorry Rex, he was a good man.
13:10, Rex Colt: No Doc... He was a real American Hero.

Aftermath

---

Operation: [mod]FEAR AND LOATHING In The SPEAKEASY[/mod]


The Aftermath

Congratulations my Faithful Minions!

My battle logs show that the most of you lot fought with bravery and gallantry on the battlefield!

As you may know, not everyone came back to the safety of our Lair!

I would even venture that no Warrior return unscarred from this Valiant Joust

Regardless! Besides the usual embarrassing failures from some of the usual suspects, you have managed to disrupt and scarr the countryside, and for this shall doth be rewarded to the very last!

I will now consult with my faithful scribes and will soon return to assign the final scores to every last one of you!

So sayeth' the Dragon of Grondok!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

DroppinSuga Submission

---

Got suspended from the Sally again.

lol, what you'd do? failure to use card tags? excessive posting in DTR?

Called Yamako's thread fucking gay.

That's a capital offense on Ugly Sally, consider yourself lucky you weren't permabanned.

Oh well.

Dragon, where's my trophy for being banned in your honor?

My dossier states you are merely suspended you puny excuse for a forums warrior!

Plus, your attempts at fulfilling the quest seem to have been pitiful for the lack of worse words.

Suga can't get banned there or he'll be unable to post in his favorite area, the budget casual standard forum.

I've officially been banned.

Suga, was this related to the dragon contest? Its important because I am running the tally of the points

Yes, it was all due to the Dragon contest.

Don't be sad, it seems a dragon trophy is in order for celebrating your achievement!

The purple heart

Yanni Submission

---

I blew up three gimmicks during the raid

No the two gimmicks you "blew" I went there and rescued them from the battlefield, I deleted their posts and the references here, and they are still alive since those guys at MTGS seem to be on top of their game.

Scumbag Submission

---

Ok people, the logs have been processed.

There was this small girls living in the jungle. The locals over there used to harass her and try to make passes at her.

pre-raid neckbeard sexual harassment

---

No but seriously, what kind of sick fuck makes this kind of sexual harassment to an user wit the picture of a 15yo girl? Christ.

She decided she wanted to join the commando and fight amongst our ranks, so we were more than happy to take her under our wing. The raid was carefully planned and everyone took the assigned positions. The attack would have to be carried out from different directions, so as to create the maximum effect of surprised. It helped that it was almost dawn and even the most hardened neckbeards were down for their daily 2-3 hours of sleep between patrols.

preparations

---

At this point, the tension was at its maximum. We would have to post in a coordinated fashion, following a script that would ensure that all of the speakeasy posting would be over in less than two minutes

Then, it all started. First line of order was to recover the bodies of the fallen heroes from the middle of the battlefield and to provide them with the proper military honors

Honor the Fallen, Salute, Patriot

---

The team swiftly followed to the primary target, the hugatron. Little did they knew what was awaiting them...

Hugs for everyone!

---

At this point though, the enemy was already
regrouping, and our lone patriot quickly took a bullet in this leg.

The empire strikes back

---

Our loveliest, dearest girl quickly ran in the direction of our hero and managed to drag him behind the trenches. The battle was still going at its most fiercest!

A noble girl rises to save the day!

---

Yet everyone knew we had reached a point of no-return. There wouldn't be any coming back from this mission. Still more than enough time to fire some more shots at some targets of opportunity.

More shots are fired

---

In the meanwhile, our noble girl had moved forward to the secondary camp, where she made a fierce last stand.

A target of opportunity

---

But even the noblest of the girls couldn't whisthand the vicious onslaught of Evil mods MTGSalvation

Death of a patriot

---

In the end, it was the lack of card tags that led to the demise of our girl

The brutality of the treatment she received will live as a day of infamy untill the end of times. Infraction after infraction was beset upon her poor soul

Never Forget

---

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The Verdict!

---

DroppinSuga Tally: +100: Your legit MTGS account get banned as a result of the participation on this contest
-1: The post was not funny (calling Yomako's thread gay), and no screencaps were taken Total: 99 points

Yanni Tally: +6: Screencaps of any deleted replies are also provided. 2 points per screencap, for a maximum of 6 bonus points
+3: Your gimmick gets banned
+7: The post is in bad taste but in good humor (post about terrorist attacks Total: 16 points

Scumbag Tally: +6: Screencaps of any deleted replies are also provided. 2 points per screencap, for a maximum of 6 bonus points
+6: Your gimmick gets banned (x2)
+7: The post is in bad taste but in good humor (post about TOR)
+7: The post is in bad taste but in good humor (vomit smiley in the Yomako hugs thread)
+25: Registering a sock puppet and replying to yourself related to the post/thread
+2: Bonus points for getting one of the gimmicks sexually harassed by a neckbeard
+2: Bonus points for being banned for lack of cardtags Total: 55 points The awards are given for the following scores:
<10 points: Pink Dragon, Failure of page 109
10-30: Green Dragon
30-100: Red Dragon
>100 Black Dragon

Therefore: - Droppinsuga gets a Red Dragon trophy just because he got his legit account banned, although he had the worse submission
- Yanni gets a Green Dragon Trophy
- Scumbag gets a Red Dragon Trophy for the best submission of the contest Edit: A secret contestant has been found!

you get the following score:

+100/2: Legit account banning in relation with the "Fear and Loathing in the Speakeasy contest"
+∞/2: nerdrage-inducing Rape Cave posts/shots have been produced as a direct consequence of the Dragon challenge.

( G_R ) is awarded (+∞+100)/2 dragon points and is declared the winner of the "Fear and Loathing in the Speakeasy" Dragon contest #5.

A Black Dragon trophy will be sent to his home address.

G_R gets a black dragon trophy and is declared the winner of Page 109 contest of blathering thread #5: Uberteam Blather Force 5!

[Dragon of Grondok]

Another high quality page 109 Dragon contest for the blathering thread #6: Breaking Blathering!

The Challenge

---

Foolish mortals! It is that time of the thread again!

I know what you are eagerly awaiting: Instructions for yet another masterfully crafted raid on our favorite peasants!

Obviously, only nimrods such as yourselves would think this! Wise Dragons such as myself know that after every successful raid, you need to leave time for the ecosystem to recover! Otherwise pillaging and raping like there is no tomorrow just leads to a blasted wasteland.

As such, since my minions report that the level of butthurt is still at alarmingly high levels in the wake of our vicious raid on the speakeasy, it is time
for an intermission.

This will be your task for this thread:

This thread dragon contest

---

Since everyone has been busy playing pokemon, your task is to assemble a team of 6 pokemons who faithfully represent iridium and their groupies.

For example, I present you a sample possible pokemon of the team:


This is obviously Nai

Use your imagination. The pokemons can correspond in form, in moveset, in name, etc...

This is a green level contest which will earn you at best a green dragon trophy, and your regular pink dragon failure trophies (of which I expect to handle quite a few as usual).

Your submitted teams will be evaluated by the great pokeon team analysts baguy and Thrillo (or others if applicable)

You have until I post the results of the previous dragon contest and deliver the corresponding awards!

As such Cole: DON'T FUCKING RETIRE THIS THREAD BEFORE I SAY SO K?

-------------------------------------------

Rezombad Submission

---

blackbull

---

smeargle
'sketch, sketch, sketch, sketch'
Hold item: Eject button

teia rabishu

---

jynx
'lick, fake tears, taunt, payback'
Hold item: Brightpowder

galspanic

---

dunsparce
'rage, yawn, glare, spite'
Hold item: Berserk Gene

Senori

---

shuppet
'shadow sneak, sucker punch, grudge, trick'
Hold item: Air balloon

xenphire

---

zorua
'scary face, nasty plot, embargo, retaliate'
Hold Item: Pink scarf

rai kerensky

---

slurpuff
'fairy wind, play nice, cotton guard, frustration'
Hold item: Polkadot bow

Corruption Watch Submission

---

I have chosen to express myself through the medium of Pokemon TCG:

Barinellos

---

Blinking Spirit

---

ExpiredRascals

---

Feyd Ruin

---

Teita

---

votan

---

DroppinSuga Submission

---

Teia

---

Lapdog

---

Galspanic

---

Scumbag submission

---

OK Here is my team submission. I am not confident enough to post the moves

lapdog

---

Snubbull

Its a no-brainer here


Honorable mention: Ditto as the lapdog has the capability of transforming and adapting into any powerful mon he meets

Galspanic

---

Garchomp

I chose the onomatopoeia approach in this case because whenever I meet this mon, I always read it as Gals Chump

Xenphire

---

Mankey

Since Xenphire is such a little nervous guy, I think Mankey portraits him accurately

Yomako

---

Luvdisc

Kawaii-Tier cute and worthless, again a no-brainer

Feyd Ruin

---

Haxorus

Again I went the way of the onomatopoeia

Teia and Talore

---

Plusle and Minus because they always hang out in pairs

Honorable mentions (Teia only, Talore would be Sudowoodo):


Male Gardevoir


Milotic (The Gay Gyarados)

And last but not least we need a trainer!

---

Voltan! starring as Ash Pedreiro!



Honorable mentions:



Voltorb

Again with the onomatopeia and because voltorb is as useless as a pokemon as voltan as an admin

Manasjap Submission

---

lapdog

---

galspanic

---

le most elusive fish

---

annorax

---

teia

---

voltan

---

senori

---

talore

---

nai

---

feyd

---

rest

---

Zemanjaski Submission

---

I'm limited to mods / Pokemon I know, which is not many.

Mabberman

---

http://pokemondb.net/pokedex/metapod

One half of the useless standard mod duo. Seemingly no understanding or involvement in the game. Has no conviction in his decisions and is completely reliant on more powerful staff for protection.

Koopa

---

http://pokemondb.net/pokedex/kakuna

The other half. He got to be Kakuna because at least Beedrill is better than Butterfry and I think he has mentioned playing the awful Kikki-Pod in modern, even if it's not good. He sticks to crappy decks like Kakuna sticks to garden, both if them utterly pointless.

Sasky

---

http://pokemondb.net/pokedex/magmar

Redbro and member of FOS.

DarkRitual

---

http://pokemondb.net/pokedex/psyduck

Talks a big game but knows very little and is very bad at the game. Plays 'Mythic Midrange'. Effectively clueless about all things relevant to being a mod, since I've never seen him stop a tgread from derailing. I think he would look like psyduck.

Rujasu

---

http://pokemondb.net/pokedex/growlithe

All bark and no bite, but has played a red deck on occasion.

Teia

---

http://pokemondb.net/pokedex/gloom

Just look at the
fucking thing. Honourable me ruins to Krabby and Goldeen for the obvious jokes.

-------------------------------------------
The Verdict: What a contest!

Rezombad gets a red dragon
Droppinsuga gets a failure of page 109 pink Dragon
Corruption watch gets a red dragon
Scumbag gets a failure of page 109 pink Dragon
Manasjap gets a red dragon
and finally Zemanjaski gets a failure of page 109 pink Dragon

[Dragon of Grondok]

What a challenge my faithful minions!

The page 109 Blathering challenge #7 for the thread "The Good, The Blathering and The Ugly 7 was a resounding success!

The Challenge:

FOOLISH MORTALS WE MEET AGAIN!!!

For this challenge, you must prove your MS Paint skills!!

Make a drawing of me fighting a worthy enemy of your choice. Bonus points if your drawing is offensive to raging nerds, without being offensive to the general public.

NOW I'LL EAT YOUR STUPID LITTLE POSTS!!!

*Flames all over the place*

The Submissions: Stardust:


( G_R ):


rezombad


Kaitscralt

The Verdict:
[quote="Checkbox » Thu Jan 30, 2014 4:30 am"]This was a quality dragon challenge.[/quote]


Poll thread is here

Stardust earns a red dragon trophy
( G_R ) earns a red dragon trophy
rezombad earns a green dragon trophy
and Kaitscralt earns a red dragon trophy

Keep up the good work!

[Dragon of Grondok]

A Sad challenge for Page 109 Blathering contest #8: i_am_a_badman has ragequit

The Challenge

---

OK, here's this thread Dragon contest:

[mod]NO MAN LEFT BEHIND: THE QUEST FOR BADMAN[/mod]



It has come to my knowledge that you bunch of Internet Terrorists have made badman ragequit once again.

Well this site leaves none of our Soldiers behind, so your Duty is to go fetch badman.

But where you ask? Well, the first place to look for is our favorite forum for raids and other tomfooleries: The MTGS Speakeasy.

Your task is to make a badman AWOL/Memorial thread in the
speakeasy and ask if someone has seen him over there. bonus points if you guys manage to actually post something funny/worthy or get banned for inducing Extreme Internet Rage. Make me proud once more.

Bonus quest: I've made some Internet detective work and found out badman's twitter: https://twitter.com/iamabadman

He also posts on gamefaqs where he lists his PSN and xbox tags: http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/950873-/ ... ?dismiss=9

Contact him, bring our boy back home.

In short: Bring back badman, or dieget banned trying. You are dismissed.


BTW: During this dragon contest I will (finally) be handling the trophies of the previous contests. I've got a few failures of page 109 awards still to be distributed, but some black dragon
trophies are also coming! Namely (as a teaser), G_R and Droppin are getting theirs...

The submissions:

DroppinSuga submission

---

Kazekirimaru submission

---

( G_R ) submission

---

The Verdict:

No badman, no real trophies. Failures for everyone!

[Dragon of Grondok]

Page 109 Blathering contest #9

What was this contest I don't even

The Contest

---

ALRIGHT, THIS TIME WE'LL DO SOMETHING FUN: CARD ALTERS!!

TAKE ANY MAGIC CARD AND ALTER IT SOMEHOW, SHOWING THAT THE DRAGONS OF TARKIR ARE PUSSIES COMPARED TO MY MAGNIFICENCE. POINTS WILL BE AWARDED AS FOLLOWS:

+10 Points for altering a card in any way.
+10 Points for altering the whole art box.
+05 points for altering the text box in some way.
+15 points for altering the card's black/white borders (e.g. it has floating borders).
+10 points if the borders are also altered instead (as in the white, blue, black, red, green, gold, etc. borders)
+20 points if it induces nerd rage somehow.
+50 points if you alter a real card and not just fotochop something.
-45 points if you make a fool of yourself.

ALSO BONUS POINTS WILL BE AWARDED FOR GENERAL COOLNESS. YES. ARBITRARILY. BY ME. DEAL WITH IT. REMEMBER: THE CARD HAS TO BE RELATED TO ME, THE DRAGON OF GRONDOK!!

ALTER AWAY!

+100 points if you use googly eyes (these points come from and are redeemable only with me; i have no association with the dragon of grondok or its affiliates)

The Facepalms

---

lol 98 pages

spamquit

Poor Dragon, he's going to be confused.

Get on with them alters, we just got a time extension.

He really loved his Twitter account

I'd quote him making fun of Alex for deleting all his posts... but you know.

Hey! The chat is gone!

Information: This board is currently disabled.

Everything is fuck-up, I don't even have the announcement centre working

I really had a very bad apt-dist-upgrade day

Sometimes this place looks normal. Then things get weird.

The verdict

---

Jesus Christ, you MORONS really overdid yourselves this time!

Lets recap this contest

1) G_R comes with a contest NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT
2) Alex deletes Mogadishu Jones and himself, setting this thread back many pages from page 109
3) Once we get back at page 109 at much personal cost, King Spam/Second Harkius FUCKING DELETES ALL HIS POSTS, setting the thread aback from page 109, AGAIN.
4) Finally, to crown all these failures, admin FUCKS UP THE SITE REAL GOOD, scaring most of the remainder idiots that still post in this dump AWAY.

All get awarded with a failure of Page 109 trophy for their trouble.
THREAD CLOSED

[Dragon of Grondok]

Reserved for Page 109 Blathering contest #10

[Dragon of Grondok]

Reserved for Page 109 Blathering contest #11

[Dragon of Grondok]

Reserved for Page 109 Blathering contest #12

[Dragon of Grondok]

Reserved for Page 109 Blathering contest #13

[Dragon of Grondok]

Reserved for Page 109 Blathering contest #14

[Dragon of Grondok]

Reserved for Page 109 Blathering contest #15

[Dragon of Grondok]

Reserved for Page 109 Blathering contest #16

[Dragon of Grondok]

Reserved for Page 109 Blathering contest #17

[Dragon of Grondok]

Reserved for Page 109 Blathering contest #18

[Dragon of Grondok]

Reserved for Page 109 Blathering contest #19

[Dragon of Grondok]

Reserved for Page 109 Blathering contest #20

[Dragon of Grondok]

Aaaaand thread opened for discussion!

[( G_R )]

Hey, I believe I made 100 points for getting banned for #5.

I actually appealed my suspension (or was it my Speakeasy mask?) for this contest and as a result I got a ban for habitual trolling.

[Dragon of Grondok]

Yeah, when I was doing the tally I was under the impression that you had been banned for the "Fear and Loathing in the Speakeasy" raid, but I looked closer it seemed to me you got your infraction for the lapdog story in personal writing.

I did not find any submission of yours for contest #5 which is why I removed the black dragon trophy. Weren't you banned for the Morse code/smiley/backwards spanish debacle? This had nothing to do with the dragon contests, but I'm willing to hear your arguments

[( G_R )]

I can't access my old appeal thread, but here's the post where I explain how I got suspended for backwards-Spanish-Morse-code-smileys:

You see, I got an infraction-insta-suspension for posting smileys that were arranged in a manner that matched dots and dashes which could be interpreted to represent long and short beeps from morse code. Once you made that connection, you had to use the online translating tools to uncover a message that didn't make any sense... because it was spelled all backwards and, furthermore in Spanish.

After the challenge was posted, I tried to appeal the suspension so I could have fun like the rest of the guys. My appeal was rage-inducing (or more specifically, wound-inflicting) and I got an upgrade to ban:

Dammit I got banned and all I wanted was to be allowed to post in the Speakeasy for the dragon challenge.

Dammit I got banned and all I wanted was to be allowed to post in the Speakeasy for the dragon challenge.

Look at the bright side, you just won 100 dragon points!

For reference:

Originally posted by Forrest Chump on MTGS

Gaea's Regent/HowlingMad/DiesToRemoval flamed the staff and will be back in 2 weeks the staff feels that there was enough to suggest the only reason he is here is to troll people. He is banned instead.

binderthief wanted to troll and discuss illegal activity. He will back in a week.

[( G_R )]

redoj >> illegal activity

[Col. Khaddafi]

that you got lumped with binderthief makes me everytime

[Col. Khaddafi]

MTGS might be needing a new "BinderBandit" account.

Now watch as some legit guy registers that account and gets instabanned.

[Dragon of Grondok]

OK, so you were Morse code suspended during the speakeasy contest, and you were banned as a direct result of trying to appeal in the rape cave because deep down in the end all you wanted was to regain access to the speakeasy? Am I reading this right?

Basically the speakeasy raid was indirectly responsible for your ban for habitual trolling.

[( G_R )]

Or you can say that I raided the rape cave instead

[Dragon of Grondok]

Right!

so for an indirect ban you'd get half score of a full ban, which is 50 points, that's another red Dragon trophy for you then!

Unless...

[( G_R )]

the suspense!

[Checkbox]

Why did I get another trophy? Did I participate in two dragon contests and forget?

[Checkbox]

or maybe I didn't... I get another PM about it though

[( G_R )]

Dammit Checkbox

[Stardust]

Dude, that story was sweet. I even worked in all those Magic references that half of you probably missed. I deserve this pink trophy way more than the rest of you chumps.

[Checkbox]

Dammit Checkbox

[Dragon of Grondok]

Tell me this G_R, can you attest that your suspension appeal inflicted serious #wounds to iridium? Where the words "Speakeasy" involved in this discussion?

[( G_R )]

Oh yeah. I remember the Speakeasy being the main topic there.