Dies to Removal

Not really no. I did speak to some friends about it and they encouraged me to skip a few events and catch up on sleep. My life for six to eight months was full time work (45-55 hours) then play mtg for 4-5 hours a weeknight plus all weekend; I wanted to be the best and I made so many sacrifices along the way.

The game hasn't been enjoyable for a very, very long time. Hopefully when I come back and I can enjoy it a bit.

Go back to playing red cards. They're fun.

Why would you delete all of your posts? Why does the forum software allow that? I hate this brave new world.

It shall now be dubbed "Internet Suicide."

I dont often post there and my lack of expression on English do not allow to speak as I would like but guys, you're just saying out loud what I think of this situation. Thank you.

Z (if you allow me to call you like this), I know this kind of pressure coming from yourself because of (mostly) other people expectations. If this is the case, re-think of what define who you really are instead what you want to become.

You can call me Z. Thanks for your advice

If it helps, James, I've lately had to come to grips with a few things about myself all things Magic related. One of them is that I measure myself on how I perform based upon my last performance (I'm always striving to improve) and, second, how I am perceived outside of the game(s). I want people to think of me better as a person than as a Magic player. Weirdly enough, my skills have improved because of this. It's not how much I win, but how I conduct myself.

And DtR had actually helped me.

And I'll be the first to admit that Kait, Thrillho, and LP have enabled my process to grow.

enablers

Well Zem, we were never really close and to be honest I don't even think you would care what I say.

I'm not going to make some long post supporting or knocking you down. There are plenty of friends and enemies doing that already. Just know that everyone goes through some life changing low in their lives that will make or break you. Some people will learn from the mistake and come back stronger than ever. They take it as a very painful life lesson and learn to use the experience to better themselves and come back a better person. However, some people choose to take the easy way and wallow in despair. They are full of regrets and no action, refusing to pull themselves out of the muck they got themselves into. These people will forever dwell and let the event define who they are in a negative way.

Don't let it break you.

Everyone expecting something from you at all times, unrealistic things, was too much for me. Instead of stepping back it getting help, I failed everyone.

I can't relate to this since I'm just an X-2 nobody, but I have to believe that everybody who you think expects so much of you actually do realize that even the best players in the world scrub out sometimes. I know you felt the weight of expectations, and that makes it real for you, but at the end of the day if you hadn't cheated and just scrubbed out of the event I doubt anybody would have cared. Or if they did, it wouldn't last long at all.

If you're depressed about this, seek help. We're your friends here but getting us to forgive and/or forget won't help you if you're depressed about this. Get help, get healthy, focus on the important things in life, and come back to the game later if you want.

Thanks guys.

i may have gone too far in a few places

You were mad and hurt, it's ok. It's not like you cheated in a major event against a friend or anything.

If you're depressed, get a therapist.

Khaos said everything I was gonna say for the most part.

I guess I'd add that you shouldn't let the game define you. It's probably more then a game, but it's not all of life. It's a big world and it's beautiful.

Turn your back on the blackness and look toward the beautiful things. Friends, family, lovers; all ready to lend you a helping hand and a loving embrace.

We still love you James. This never changed that.

Well Zem, we were never really close and to be honest I don't even think you would care what I say.

I'm not going to make some long post supporting or knocking you down. There are plenty of friends and enemies doing that already. Just know that everyone goes through some life changing low in their lives that will make or break you. Some people will learn from the mistake and come back stronger than ever. They take it as a very painful life lesson and learn to use the experience to better themselves and come back a better person. However, some people choose to take the easy way and wallow in despair. They are full of regrets and no action, refusing to pull themselves out of the muck they got themselves into. These people will forever dwell and let the event define who they are in a negative way.

Don't let it break you.

Sage advice right here, couldn't say it any better.

i'll say exactly one serious and non-trolling thing about this

nothing i said on reddit was untrue. i have never let up on you since melbourne. i have questioned your integrity and called you a cheater both here and on mic to your face. no i was not surprised that you got caught cheating. i did try to move you away from worrying about mtg so much and more towards enjoying life and your lady. i also told reddit that you're my friend still (which i meant) and that i am not an authority on your actions, decisions or anything else and that i was speaking purely of my own opinion and perception. fwiw, i tried to clear the confusion and move things in a lulzy direction. yes i initially went overboard in the name of getting the Kait brand and DTR each some digital fedora street cred, and i let my disappointment in your actions 'manifest' in a way strangers would take as cruel instead of humorous. but i stand by my thoughts on there, and nobody here who bothered reading them has called me out for anything i've said.

but yes, when i said to the magic world that we should kill you and wear you around our necks like tasigur's corpse, i may have gone too far. MIGHT. what can i say, i post only on DTR and forget that the rest of the internet has a stick up their ass and doesn't know how to take a joke. we do it for the lafs.

and really, i don't know what you were expecting me to do. the moment you cheated, my reaction was destiny. there was no avoiding it. i don't go easier on the people i like. i've been friends with guys on here much longer than you zem and i have said much more horrific and truly personally offensive things to them that i meant (ask baguy). i don't think i need to explain that. i'm sorry to everyone who hates it that i can't be banned from this site. i promise i am usually trying to help when i open my mouth, and i apologize that on reddit this time i was not trying to help. i took advantage of your shitty situation for some very minor gains. in hindsight i would have phrased some things differently.

don't be mad at anyone else here, they can't help but say horrible things and crack jokes, they have been exposed to the gutter now and it has infected them. ham and khaos can't turn back from that dark path of misery now.

if it helps, i reactivated my facebook two days ago just to see if you were okay, and i really hate facebook.

this post requires no reply

If you're depressed, get a therapist.

Khaos said everything I was gonna say for the most part.

I guess I'd add that you shouldn't let the game define you. It's probably more then a game, but it's not all of life. It's a big world and it's beautiful.

Turn your back on the blackness and look toward the beautiful things. Friends, family, lovers; all ready to lend you a helping hand and a loving embrace.

We still love you James. This never changed that.

Turn your back on the blackness? I could never turn my back on you, LP.

Zem, you need to go see a therapist. Seriously. And if you need someone else to talk to, I'm here (forum or facebook).

being away from the game will be all the therapy he needs

Yeah I agree. The game's poison right now. Stay away from it for the time being.

I'm stunned. Madding is a real boy.

i took advantage of your shitty situation for some very minor gains

Illusory gains, you might say.

Thrillho, I don't know what you just said, but it hit me right here. *pounds chest*

I once drunkenly approached Jackson Public of the Venture Bros to tell him how the interior offices of my client's building looks like a space aliens reinterpretation of an earth pediatrician's office made on his home planet. When this story fell completely flat and after some friendly banter, a friend of his grabbed him so they could leave for parts away. He shook my hand as he left and I shouted to him, "I hope I've enriched your life in some way tonight."

I feel a lot better having all if that out in the open, thanks guys. I am going to get professional help though.

The truth shall set your free.

Or some shit.

For what it's worth, I always respected everything you had to say about magic theory.

I think you've got a great knack for this game.

I don't really care whether you won or lost a lot - I'd still listen to your advice. This game is pretty luck-heavy, and just because you lose sometimes does not mean you're not good at the game.

Even after this incident I will still read whatever you have to say about magic and take your advice seriously.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, you don't have to prove anything to anyone because we could all see that you knew your shit. You don't need to put up winnings so that people would listen to you - people were listening anyway.

Anyway, cheer up! Go wrestle some people and win some court cases.

There's the DTR / FoS I know and love.

Honour. Respect. Support. Brotherhood. Fellowship. Red cards.

Wouldn't be FOS without shit talk.

That's why I stick around.

Penis.

Khaos, you said everything I was thinking. I mean, you obviously know James MUCH better than I, but you described everything I was feeling with exacting detail.

James. As Khaos said previously, I was always rooting for you. I know that we are Facebook friends and we would talk through posts here occasionally, but I held no illusions that we were good friends. I knew who you were, and I think you knew who I was. But that doesn't change the fact that I was pulling for you to make it as a MTG pro and be happy with your life. This latest development is indeed heartbreaking. But know that this isn't the end of the road. I always thought of myself as a pessimist. Only now, after experiencing heartache, loss, and earth-shattering disappointment, do I realize that I'm actually an eternal optimist. It's the only way I can experience these things and move on with my life. If you ever need to talk about depression (of which I have plenty of experience), disappointment, or life in general, feel free to contact me here or on Facebook. Be well, and know it gets better.

I'd also like to put it out there that Z continues to help and inspire me. It's easier to identify with someone who admits they're flawed and human.

I think (based on our conversations) I was actually in a very similar spot last week. I'm taking a mini-break now (decided before this came to light), but I had been playing magic five times a week trying to break through a slump that started in December. The game made it to the point of not being fun, and I was just trying to keep hitting my head against the wall until I broke through. I don't think Magic rewards you for stubbornness. Sometimes you need to take a break, even when you're grinding. Pressure, self imposed or otherwise doesn't really seem to help. I think people tend to play best when they're really enjoying themselves.

Somehow, seeing that Z (who I've always considered a mentor) is human, makes me feel a lot less pressure. Knowing that he has the same kind of slumps and frustrations makes me feel a lot better about mine. I'm actually looking forward to my next game of Magic, for the first time in a long time. I also feel a lot less reluctant to seek the professional help that I think I likely need. The next time my mind goes to dark places I will.

I'm glad to have you guys in my life. You've been a really positive influence on me, not just in magic, but in all aspects of life.

L_D likes to see people fail is all I took from his post.

I did not mean for it to come across that way, sorry if it did.

Z inspires me to accept my flaws and accept my imperfections. You're all taught me that there is no shame in seeking professional help and that their is nothing wrong with it. You guys have been exactly what I've needed lately.

Believe me, I wish we were celebrating James' first GP win, but we're trying to salvage the good we can.

Also, I don't think we made a big enough deal out of it, but hats off to Khaos, you magnificent bastard. Now you have an impressive beard, and byes.

I was trolling.

Time to become the living embodiment of Flamewake Phoenix.

For what it's worth, I always respected everything you had to say about magic theory.

I think you've got a great knack for this game.

I don't really care whether you won or lost a lot - I'd still listen to your advice. This game is pretty luck-heavy, and just because you lose sometimes does not mean you're not good at the game.

Even after this incident I will still read whatever you have to say about magic and take your advice seriously.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, you don't have to prove anything to anyone because we could all see that you knew your shit. You don't need to put up winnings so that people would listen to you - people were listening anyway.

Anyway, cheer up! Go wrestle some people and win some court cases.

My thoughts exactly. Seriously. Z has taught me more about magic than anyone else. I never had any result-based expectations of him.

I don't think Magic rewards you for stubbornness. Sometimes you need to take a break, even when you're grinding. Pressure, self imposed or otherwise doesn't really seem to help. I think people tend to play best when they're really enjoying themselves.

Not many competitive games do. It's fine to push yourself to win, but you're going to lose and scrub out sometimes. Magic is a hard game and insanely frustating at times, winning wouldn't mean anything if it wasn't. Just have to know when to take it easy.