[Fedoras of Salvation] - White Knights ITT

[DroppinSuga]

You've been implicated.

[Kazekirimaru]

You guys are great. Thanks for all your support.

Getting a bunch of different perspectives here has done wonders. One underlying theme throughout the last couple pages seems to the give her space. So I'm doing that. As much as I want to not do such things, it's all I can do. She's likely gone till Sunday. Till then I won't even text her. Then maybe she'll come back and feel like some open discussion.

In all honesty, it's not me that's not open to communication. It's her. I always tell it straight. She bottles up and lets things pressurize too much. Hopefully this experience will help her realize that if she has issues she needs to tell me before it gets to this point.

Bah. I wonder what all I really did wrong. I'm sure the reasons she gave me at the time were just bullshit that felt nice to scream at me.

[TubeHunter]

[Kazekirimaru]

This experience has certainly taught me things, at least.

I'm never taking a walk without my keys again.

[redthirst]

This experience has certainly taught me things, at least.

I'm never taking a walk without my keys again.

That's probs the best lesson you can learn from this because you sure as hell aren't going to understand her any better than you do already.

I mean, she's been in her head for decades and I guarantee you that she understands herself less than you do.

[Link]

no Fires?

Damn.

I just want to curve Rubblebelt raiders into Kalonian Hydra goddamnt!

[Sasky]

Oh, she has her reasons. She happily told them to me through the window after she locked me out last night for a while.

It kinda is as bad as I think.

Ouch, that's pretty bad. I'm sorry to hear that man. Hope everything goes well.

[zemanjaski]

Might give this a run soon. Probably terrible.

4 Ash Zealot
4 Boros Reckoner
4 Chandra's Phoenix
4 Young Pyromancer

4 Chandra, Pyromaster

4 Brimstone Volley
4 Pillar of Flames
4 Searing Spear
4 Shock

20 Mountain
4 Mutavault

It's a Chandra deck, obviously.

[windstrider]

You guys are great. Thanks for all your support.

Getting a bunch of different perspectives here has done wonders. One underlying theme throughout the last couple pages seems to the give her space. So I'm doing that. As much as I want to not do such things, it's all I can do. She's likely gone till Sunday. Till then I won't even text her. Then maybe she'll come back and feel like some open discussion.

In all honesty, it's not me that's not open to communication. It's her. I always tell it straight. She bottles up and lets things pressurize too much. Hopefully this experience will help her realize that if she has issues she needs to tell me before it gets to this point.

Bah. I wonder what all I really did wrong. I'm sure the
reasons she gave me at the time were just bullshit that felt nice to scream at me.

You are most welcome.

One thing you need to do here is to realize that you have needs as well. One of those needs is for open and honest communication. A marriage can't survive without it. You can't be the punching bag for when she feels like letting off steam. That's not healthy, and you will begin to resent her for it.

Is there something in her past that makes her want to bottle things up like this? It may be an underlying problem that she hasn't dealt with.

[Kazekirimaru]

Meh. She has father issues. Mother is passed on. I don't know.

[Kazekirimaru]

Hm. This is the first time I've slept alone in a rather long time. Years.

This is going to be a rough night.

[photodyer]

You guys are great. Thanks for all your support.

Getting a bunch of different perspectives here has done wonders. One underlying theme throughout the last couple pages seems to the give her space. So I'm doing that. As much as I want to not do such things, it's all I can do. She's likely gone till Sunday. Till then I won't even text her. Then maybe she'll come back and feel like some open discussion.

In all honesty, it's not me that's not open to communication. It's her. I always tell it straight. She bottles up and lets things pressurize too much. Hopefully this experience will help her realize that if she has issues she needs to tell me before it gets to this point.

Bah. I wonder what all I really did wrong. I'm sure the
reasons she gave me at the time were just bullshit that felt nice to scream at me.

Three other thoughts to throw into the brain stew, Kaze...

First, a matter of differentiation. A problem that we guys have is that we cannot use the same "tools" to solve issues in a "relationship" that we use in solving issues with friends/coworkers/etc. In the latter cases, we can use logic and debate skills to prove a superior viewpoint and "win" an argument--much as we do in debating stuff here with regards to Magic strategy. The problem with relationship-based arguments (or for that matter any argument that involves significant emotional investment) is that logic and emotions don't mix. When the other person is emoting and we attempt to apply logic, what they hear is that their feelings are not being affirmed/acknowledged. Thus, as some have already stated, you can be logically "right" but still be "wrong" because she
doesn't want to debate logic, she wants you to care about her feelings.

Second, a tough thing to learn: Blame is toxic and destructive. Look at your statement above... "It's her." Pointing a finger anywhere other than at yourself is one of the most counterproductive things you can do...and one of the hardest things to not do. We learn at an early age to defer blame in order to avoid negative consequences (blaming the dog for eating the cookies rather than get punished), but when we assign blame in a relationship, what are we gaining? Nothing. We can feel like we are justifying ourselves with being "right" and pointing elsewhere, but in reality this breeds alienation and discord. Unlearning this behavior, however, is damn hard to do and even harder to do consistently; pick a decent book on the subject that strikes a vibe with you (do some web research) and read it with purpose. This is a life skill thing, and will benefit you
regardless of what happens in your current situation. Give yourself the benefit of taking the time for your betterment.

The third consideration is one that no man wants to think about, but which you must for your own sake. Kaitscralt was blunt to the point of asshattedness, but you really must pose the question to yourself: Is there the possibility of external motivation for her suddenly expressing dissatisfaction with you? More pointedly, might someone else be borrowing your toothbrush? Nuwen made an excellent point (among many) about the reptilian brain and our baser drives being an important facet of relationships...females of most higher species instinctively keep an eye open to "options" for improving their safety, potential survival of offspring, and so on. In humans, this translates to the fact that many women will take the path of setting up a new situation before starting to talk about things "not working" with their current partner. I don't know a thing about your
wife and by no means am I trying to impugn her character, but it is instinctive for females to take an approach that keeps them from being "alone and unprotected". You should take a step back and ask yourself if 1+1 is possibly coming up to anything other than 2...not so you have more ammunition for the blame game, but so you know what points are worth arguing.

In closing, I have to say again how utterly remarkable this clan is...I found myself while reading through the last few pages reflecting on my recent struggles in communication with my kids. I realized that at some point recently I went from herding children to cohabiting with a couple of future adults and further that I've failed to shift with their changes. When my daughter called tonight to screech about her brother barging into her room, I was mindful of this discussion and reflected her feelings back to her rather than providing a logical explanation for her brother’s behavior. She deflated from her tirade almost instantly, and
from there we were able to have a productive conversation about setting some household boundaries.

Y’all are good people and a meaningful part of my life. Bro hugs all around (and Nuwen, I must admit girl that I’m crushing on you just a little after reading your insightful posts…thanks so much for sharing your perspective).

[Kazekirimaru]

You're right. Telling myself(and especially telling her) that it's her fault isn't going to save my marriage, is it?

Her pining after another man, I don't see.

Her after another woman...is possible.

[Kazekirimaru]

And no, I'm not being funny.

[Lightning_Dolt]

Bitches be crazy.

[photodyer]

A year ago I wouldn't have looked upon anything from Todd Anderson without a jaded eye, but he seems to have done some soul-searching and found his humanity. He wrote an article to that effect a while back, really laying himself open and admitting to some real priority issues in his life. Since then, his writing more often shown some insight and sense of the rest of the world, and I actually enjoy many of his articles.

This is the closing from latest article, which basically shoots down many of the common arguments about playing Jund and points to the fact that, like it or not, the deck is strong and should be a serious consideration for competitive events. I feel like this commentary really gets to the heart of the love/hate views people have regarding the deck:

"I hate Jund. I hate everything it stands for. I hate it with every part of my being because it isn't a deck. It is a collection of
overpowered cards with a perfect mana base. It is a ramp deck without a singular goal. It is devoid of purpose and has no binding qualities. There is no central theme of the deck, no linchpin to exploit. There is no theme. And maybe that is what is so frustrating to me about the deck.

Its goal is simple: to cast its spells. And those spells are so good that games usually end in your favor.

The fact that I'm advocating playing Jund should be reason enough to play it because I would rather play literally anything else (well, except maybe Hexproof).

I don't want to expunge the hopes of the brewers out there. For God's sake, please prove me wrong. I would love nothing more than to see a Burn at the Stake deck take down the SCG Standard Open in Baltimore this weekend, but I would not be doing my job if I didn't give you an informed, honest opinion of the format. Play Jund. Or don't. Honestly, I'm not even sure I'll be able to bring myself to do it, but I know I should.

And that, my friend,
is the most frightening part of it all."

[zemanjaski]

He still wrote an article in which he boasted about psychologically abusing his wife and forcing his own financial dependence on her. Dude is a first class man child.

[LP, of the Fires]

One thing I learned through Magic from the Great Patrick Chapin is to apply lessons from magic to your life.

Don't blame losses on luck/manascrew. See if there where things you could have done earlier in the game to change the outcome including mulligans. Parallel being introspection is better then projection.

While the game can be frustrating, emotional control wins you games. It's OK to feel things, good and bad, but maintain control of those feelings so you can see to the heart of things.

Don't try to compound misplays in order to save face for the sake of not looking stupid. Accept the fact that you misplayed and move on by making the right plays for the rest of the game. So what you fucked up, two wrongs don't make a right. Mistakes are meant to be learned from.

These are just a couple examples but they're lessons I've learned from
magic and the reason why the game is a big part of my life. I like to pretend it's made me a better person.

[photodyer]

He still wrote an article in which he boasted about psychologically abusing his wife and forcing his own financial dependence on her. Dude is a first class man child.

No argument from me...but I I get the impression that he's trying to grow up. It doesn't excuse his past behavior, but perhaps he will find his way.

[Khaospawn]

I want to read that article.

[Alex]

He still wrote an article in which he boasted about psychologically abusing his wife and forcing his own financial dependence on her. Dude is a first class man child.

No argument from me...but I I get the impression that he's trying to grow up. It doesn't excuse his past behavior, but perhaps he will find his way.

I have pictures on my facebook that prove that he's still a total toolbag.

[Khaospawn]

Its a literal picture of an open tool bag, complete with a hammer, wrench, and screwdriver.

[Alex]

Its a literal picture of an open tool bag, complete with a hammer, wrench, and screwdriver.

Well he couldn't have been a tool belt, that's too close to my junk.

[Khaospawn]

Giggity

[photodyer]

He still wrote an article in which he boasted about psychologically abusing his wife and forcing his own financial dependence on her. Dude is a first class man child.

No argument from me...but I I get the impression that he's trying to grow up. It doesn't excuse his past behavior, but perhaps he will find his way.

I have pictures on my facebook that prove that he's still a total toolbag.

I keep
forgetting to ask where you are on FB, Alex; I tried looking for you under your name but didn't find you.

As far as Anderson, ah well; he's obviously trying to put on a better public face, but when you're not sincere about such things there are always people who know. Every community must have its share, I suppose.

[rcwraspy]

So like I posted the other day, I built my first MTGO deck over the weekend. AIR, since it was fairly cheap to build from scratch and most of the cards won't rotate. I've taken it to the Tournament Practice room and I'm currently 9-0. I was under the impression that room would be the most competitive I can find on MTGO without having to pay for entry. Is that not correct? Because some of these games I beat them before I know what they're on, a couple have been close, but there were 2 games with outright kitchen table brews.

[Valdarith]

The practice room is not a good gauge for deck quality. There are a lot of people there running on budget brews just to play for fun or running t2 or worse decks just for fun. If you really want to gauge the competitiveness of your deck you need to do 8 mans. That said, the practice room is a good way to get the hang of your deck.

[photodyer]

So like I posted the other day, I built my first MTGO deck over the weekend. AIR, since it was fairly cheap to build from scratch and most of the cards won't rotate. I've taken it to the Tournament Practice room and I'm currently 9-0. I was under the impression that room would be the most competitive I can find on MTGO without having to pay for entry. Is that not correct? Because some of these games I beat them before I know what they're on, a couple have been close, but there were 2 games with outright kitchen table brews.

In my limited experience you see every flavor and stripe of deck in there; it's a starting place to go to trial a new deck against a varied field as you see all sorts of stuff from jankedy jank to Jund. I don't imagine the
serious grinders spend a lot of time over there just randomly grabbing matches; rather, they would set up matches directly with testing buddies or seek out other folks they know in the community. When you friend people it shows you if they are online and you can chat/IM them.

Others can provide much more insight, but that's my take on it.

[rcwraspy]

Thanks guys. What's the technical MTGO verbiage for "8 mans"? Is it the constructed queue? I'm still trying to learn my way around over there - figured building a deck was step 1 though, so did that.

[Valdarith]

Thanks guys. What's the technical MTGO verbiage for "8 mans"? Is it the constructed queue? I'm still trying to learn my way around over there - figured building a deck was step 1 though, so did that.

8-man constructed queue. It costs 6 tickets and is much higher EV than 2-mans which cost 2 tickets.

Basic rule of thumb is to never play in 2-mans because in the long run you'll be losing money. That said, I break this rule every so often when I don't quite have the time to sit in an 8-man and REALLY want to do some testing against a competitive meta.

[zemanjaski]

DEs > 8-mans > 2-mans for value

[zemanjaski]

Spike Spiegel: There once was a tiger-striped cat. This cat died a million deaths, revived & lived a million lives, and he was owned by various people who he really didn't care for. The cat wasn't afraid to die. Then one day the cat became a stray cat which meant he was free. He met a white female cat & the two of them spent their days together happily. Well, years passed & the white cat grew weak & died of old age. The tiger-striped cat cried a million times, & then he died too. Except this time, he didn't come back to life.
Jet Black: Yeah. That's a good story.
Spike Spiegel: I hate that story.
Jet Black: Huh?
Spike Spiegel: I never liked cats, you know that.

[TubeHunter]

Wut?

[redthirst]

Cowboy Bebop wisdom. Here's one for you Kaze:

Jet: You think it's all right to leave them alone?

Spike: You worried about her?

Jet: I just thought that she might let him go.

Spike: Does she have that much sympathy in her heart?

Jet: Women as insistent as her tend to be the ones who get emotionally swayed by their exes.

Spike: Is that so?

Jet: Women don't work on reason.

[rcwraspy]

Z, I just read a news article about an Australian baseball player gunned down while on a jog in suburban Oklahoma. Apparently the teenagers who shot him dead simply "had nothing better to do" and wondered what it was like to watch someone die. The article claimed that this story is getting more press in Australia than the upcoming elections, and that the PM has warned Australians against visiting USA. What's the POV from where you are?

[TubeHunter]

Ah, more anime that i haven't watched... I feel like I'm missing out.

[TubeHunter]

Z, I just read a news article about an Australian baseball player gunned down while on a jog in suburban Oklahoma. Apparently the teenagers who shot him dead simply "had nothing better to do" and wondered what it was like to watch someone die. The article claimed that this story is getting more press in Australia than the upcoming elections, and that the PM has warned Australians against visiting USA. What's the POV from where you are?

Blech. That story made me sick. Killing someone cause you're bored? What the actual fuck? My age too, so it makes me even more feel worse.

[hamfactorial]

Naturally, the liberal media here will refer to them as "teens" instead of the more fitting "low class hood punks not worth the carbon they're printed on".

[Jack]

One thing I learned through Magic from the Great Patrick Chapin is to apply lessons from magic to your life.

Don't blame losses on luck/manascrew. See if there where things you could have done earlier in the game to change the outcome including mulligans. Parallel being introspection is better then projection.

While the game can be frustrating, emotional control wins you games. It's OK to feel things, good and bad, but maintain control of those feelings so you can see to the heart of things.

Don't try to compound misplays in order to save face for the sake of not looking stupid. Accept the fact that you misplayed and move on by making the right plays for the rest of the game. So
what you fucked up, two wrongs don't make a right. Mistakes are meant to be learned from.

These are just a couple examples but they're lessons I've learned from magic and the reason why the game is a big part of my life. I like to pretend it's made me a better person.

I guess I'm a bit late to respond, but I thought I had something good to add. This shit happens a lot when you wake up at noon in Eastern Time.
These are all very good point/lessons. I especially like the third one, since it's more specific, and is also advice that you don't hear that often (both for Magic and as a life tip). Most people (myself included) don't acknowledge this, and, when they mess up, they try to make it seem like they had intended to do that all along. I try to be the guy that just admits his mistakes and doesn't care if others see this. I strive to be more like the stereotypical simple foreigner in movies, not following many of the sillier rules of American culture, not caring about how
his every action shapes his public appearance (this is ironic, I know), and just acting based upon who he is.

[Jack]

Z, I just read a news article about an Australian baseball player gunned down while on a jog in suburban Oklahoma. Apparently the teenagers who shot him dead simply "had nothing better to do" and wondered what it was like to watch someone die. The article claimed that this story is getting more press in Australia than the upcoming elections, and that the PM has warned Australians against visiting USA. What's the POV from where you are?

...wow. That's fucked up.